Month 3 with G&S

I can't believe I've been with Grace and Strength for three months already. When I first started this program I thought that it would take forever to see any type of noticable results ... but it hasn't! In three months I have lost 46.2 pounds and 22 3/4 inches. I've gone down 3 shirt and pant sizes as well! When I compare my recent pictures to pictures before I started G&S I can't even believe it. I still have a ways to go until I will feel like I've met my goal, but I'm hoping to get there by June! There are still those little areas that I'm still not proud of yet, but I'm getting there! I'm determined and 100% motivated and committed to discovering a new Lindsay. :0)

I love that my decision to join G&S has become a life long journey. I am so thankful that this isn't just a program to help you lose weight and then send you on your own (probably heading right back to where you started from in the first place) This really is a journey to discovering freedom from so many strongholds in my life. It's not just a program that focuses only on getting your physical body healthy ... it's about cleansing your soul. I'm discovering things about myself that I had hidden away for so long. I'm so thankful for my coach April and all the amazing girls that have become apart of our group. They have become my family, my support, my encouragers, my cheerleaders, and my prayer warriors. I couldn't have done it without them! What I have also loved is that seven of my friends have also joined the team and it's so amazing to know them personally and to be able to witness their lives trasform through this program. It's such a Go-God thing and it makes my heart happy.

I was talking to another fellow G&S(er) the other day about how crazy it is to think of where we are just three months after we began this journey. It's amazing to see the physical difference from when we started, but that there is still so much emotionally and mentally that we have to deal with. I've been over weight my whole life, so with all those years came a lot of insecurities that have been deeply burried within me. When I look at pictures I can tell a difference, I can tell a difference in how I feel ... but in my mind I still feel like that over weight girl. I know that I have lost so much weight (almost 50lbs!!) but the insecurities are still there ... All those insecurities have been whispering lies in my ear ever since I was even in middle school. You aren't worthy, you are an embarrassment, you'll never be beautiful, no one will want you, you can't do that because you are too fat ... those are things that I believed for all of those years. Those are words that brought down my self esteem and totally crushed any confidence I could ever have in myself. Want to know what I've discovered though? That I AM worth it, that I am NOT an embarrassement, that I AM beautiful, and that the only one I EVER need to look to is my FATHER, and that through Him my life will be rich and full and when I experience that freedom that only HE offers I will be able to do more that I could ever dream. And you know the cool thing ... all of that is true whether I'm skinny OR fat! And all of those truths apply to you too! It's just that I wasn't giving God all of me ... I was trying to fix my own problems, and deal with my own emotional baggage with food instead of seeking HIS face. So for the first time I'm really starting to believe and feel all of these things in my life ... I feel like I can really breathe for the first time.

I have ALWAYS loved taking pictures. I'm a memory hoarder :0) and want to capture every detail and save them forever and always. But I remember before joining this ministry that I would kindly ask who ever was taking a picture of my friends and I to take a face only picture. I thought I had a pretty face, but that was about as far as I would go in complementing myself. Now, after losing all of this weight I'm excited to see those full length pictures because I feel like I'm looking at a whole different me. It's exciting to see the outward change mirror all the inward emotional and spiritual changes that are happening at the same time. I've never felt so free in all of my life.

I love that I can get excited about trying on new clothes now. Most of all though, I love how happy I am. I love that I'm not eating through all my emotions ... but that I can fully surrender everything that is going on in my life to God. I'm allowing Him into a place in my life that I've never left open ... and it is so freeing! So thankful for the new found joy.

If my journey inspires you to want to discover your own personal freedom, please send me a message and I would love to talk to you about Grace and Strength!

One of my friends and I are going to sign up to do a mud run at the end of the month. I hate.hate.hate.hate to run ... however running through a bunch of obstacles in tons of mud sounds like SO.MUCH.FUN! I really can't wait. So I have try and get training fast, because this is a three mile run (gasp!) But I really can't wait for this adventure!

Here are my three month pictures ...

I Have A Choice ...

Right after Christmas this past year I was trying to catch up on some of the blogs that I used to stalk read. As I was reading, I came across my friend April's blog and read this post. She had recently joined a weight loss program and had lost an incredible, I mean INCREDIABLE amount of weight! I probably went back to that post like ten different times ... something just kept drawing me back. I couldn't stop looking at her before and current picture ... 1. thinking/and knowing her story and how amazing she looked and 2. I wanted more than anything for that to be me. It just so happened that the program (Grace and Strength)that she was going through was offering a special and I had two days to sign up. (yeah, just two days) There really wasn't much time to think about things ... and normally I'm not a "diet" person ... but I just could not for the life of me stop thinking about it. It was just one of those things that you know, that you know, that you know that you are supposed to do it. So ... I did! I called and signed up! And my life has radically changed because of that decision.

I was told that the first step of the program was to come up with my "Why". A "Why" is the number one reason of why you want to change your life. It's what is supposed to help you keep going during the times where you might struggle during this process. A lot of people pick their families, or to be a healthier mom for their kids ... and yes, this is one of my "why's" but it's not my number one. I feel like I give a good impression of being a strong, confident woman. I always try to do my best to look like I have everything together and am happy with who I am. But it's all really just been a cover up for how insecure I really am. My #1 WHY is to be FREE. All my life I have tried to hide. I've been over weight my whole life and have never felt comfortable to just be FREE to do whatever my heart desired. I always used my weight as an excuse and embarrassment as to why I wouldn't try things. I have such a care free personality that lives deep down inside of me and I want to set that part of me FREE. I want to live the life that God intended me to live and not continue to hide away. I am so tired of hiding …. I know I was meant for so much more than that. This “why” is something I desperately WANT to achieve with my whole heart. And each day while on this program I am getting one more step closer to reaching that long awaited goal.

Here’s where my title of this post “I Have A Choice” comes in … over a year ago I wrote a post the day that our adoption fell through. We were supposed to take a little baby girl home the very next day and her momma changed her mind. In the midst of the shock, the sadness, the anger and the questioning I realized that I had a choice to make. See back when we lost our first foster daughter I went into a deep depression. I was 100% bitter towards God and hated my life. Nothing mattered more to me than becoming a momma … and the little love that we had was stripped away from me. I made a choice that day where I chose to become bitter and hate God. I made a choice to lose the joy that I had once had in my life. I chose that day to lose all hope. I chose that day to GIVE UP. And I was stuck in a DEEP, dark hole for a really long time. It took almost two years to get to the point where I was learning to forgive, where I was learning how to trust, and where I was learning to let go again. On the day that I found out that once again we had a little love that wouldn’t become ours I decided that in the midst of everything that was going on I wanted to choose something different. I wanted to choose to cling to hope, I wanted to choose to still find the good, I wanted to choose to still have joy … even though I was sad, and confused, and BROKEN … it was all okay, because I was choosing to hold onto God through every second of it. I knew that my journey would still be difficult, and I would still have a hurting heart … but I also knew that I would be carried through each and every second by my loving Father.

The day that I choose to give everything over to Him, my heart began to heal. The week after I made that choice to trust blindly and brokenly in his plan I got an email about our soon to be Josiah. :0) After all the heartache and all the hoops that we have had to endure … I don’t ever want to forget the freedom of that one little choice that day. Since becoming Josiah’s momma I have never in my life felt such a love as deep as I have for him. I can’t imagine how much greater my Father loves me. When I saw April’s blog post I desperately wanted the same freedom that she was experiencing. I am 100% an emotional eater … and after all of the infertility issues, the foster kids that have come and gone, and all the potential adoptions that never came I had gained close to 100 pounds. I had allowed food to become my comfort. I had allowed food to fix my issues. I had allowed food to become my refuge. Ultimately I had allowed food to become my God. I had to come to a point where I was just desperate … desperate to be freed from this bondage. It sounds kind of funny … but if you have ever struggled with being over weight that’s what it is … a bondage. It’s like our drug. And it eats away at any confidence, love, or respect that you could have for yourself. It’s something that slowly kills you from the inside out. And I was d.o.n.e allowing myself to be held captive any longer. I had to make that choice … I had to decide that I was worth it. I was worth the money, I was worth the sacrifice and I was worth the discomfort … because in the long run, I would become the real Lindsay that God intended me to be. I would find a stronger more real relationship with Him. I would learn to really love myself for the first time.

I am so grateful for that one chance that God used of me reading April’s blog and becoming inspired. I can’t even describe how happy I am now. And how I’m finally not allowing food to be my comfort … but that I’m running to God in those times instead. Grace and Strength isn’t just a diet … it’s a ministry. It’s not something that just focuses on getting you skinny and then you’re on your own. It’s 100% committed to helping you become free of those bondages and helping you to fix those issues so that you never have to go back to that old life again. They provide a coach and a team of believers that encourage and pray for you every single day. When I first started this journey I wasn’t sure that I was going to share with anyone. I was afraid that I might fail and then look retarded. But I decided that I needed to be vulnerable and transparent with people because if I could be inspired by that one little blog post of April’s and have my whole life turn around … why would I ever want to deny someone else of that freedom? So if you are interested, or simply just want someone to pray with you through your own journey of finding freedom I would love to talk with you. You can email me at rmber2smile@yahoo.com

Thanks for surviving through this super long post … I just had to share my heart. :0)
Now onto the pictures!! After 2 ½ months of being on the Grace and Strength Diet I have lost 40.4 pounds and 18.5 inches and gone down three pant sizes and two shirt sizes!








So excited and blessed for this new found freedom!

One Year

So I've been M.I.A. for five months ... and SO MUCH has happened and I'm super bummed that I have been such a slacker. I love love love to journal and I hate that I found excuses not to sit my butt down (no matter how tired I was each night) and blog my little heart out! Although there is so much to catch up on, this blog post has to focus on only one thing tonight ...

One Year.


first meeting my little man one year ago ...


Josiah's first year pics

That's right friends, my little boy is one year old today! It really does seem like yesterday that we were all crazy with excitement about his upcoming arrival. I feel like I should still be in Pensacola right now snuggling that little boy in the hospital. How in the world did a year go by already??

My heart has never felt fuller in all of my life. We went through so much loss, so much heartache along the road of trying to become parents ... I honestly wondered if my heart would ever feel complete. But then that magic moment of the first time I saw that little face and kissed his little hand I fell head over heels in love with that sweet little boy. All you moms out there will totally understand this ... but there really are no words to describe the love that a mother has for her children. It's a love that is so deep, so strong, and so passionate. And I feel every bit of that and loads and loads more!

I love how he has developed a little personality now. I love how ornery he has become and what a little stinker he is some days. He makes me laugh so much! I love how his new favorite game is to chase LB (cat) and Buddy (dog) around the house with his little popper wheelie toy. He is still such a snuggle bug when he gets tired and loves his daddy to chase him and his momma to hold him tight. He has changed so so so much over this past year. I fall in love with him over and over again with each new stage. I miss my little new born baby ... but oh how I love watching him grow.

I am so thankful for the sacrificial love his bmom had for him. I am so blessed to have been chosen as Josiah's adoptive mom. I couldn't have asked for a better first year as Josiah's mommy. He has brought so much joy and love to my life.

We are waiting until next Saturday to have his bday party. It's going to be The Very Hungry Caterpillar theme. I can't wait!