I love that my decision to join G&S has become a life long journey. I am so thankful that this isn't just a program to help you lose weight and then send you on your own (probably heading right back to where you started from in the first place) This really is a journey to discovering freedom from so many strongholds in my life. It's not just a program that focuses only on getting your physical body healthy ... it's about cleansing your soul. I'm discovering things about myself that I had hidden away for so long. I'm so thankful for my coach April and all the amazing girls that have become apart of our group. They have become my family, my support, my encouragers, my cheerleaders, and my prayer warriors. I couldn't have done it without them! What I have also loved is that seven of my friends have also joined the team and it's so amazing to know them personally and to be able to witness their lives trasform through this program. It's such a Go-God thing and it makes my heart happy.
I was talking to another fellow G&S(er) the other day about how crazy it is to think of where we are just three months after we began this journey. It's amazing to see the physical difference from when we started, but that there is still so much emotionally and mentally that we have to deal with. I've been over weight my whole life, so with all those years came a lot of insecurities that have been deeply burried within me. When I look at pictures I can tell a difference, I can tell a difference in how I feel ... but in my mind I still feel like that over weight girl. I know that I have lost so much weight (almost 50lbs!!) but the insecurities are still there ... All those insecurities have been whispering lies in my ear ever since I was even in middle school. You aren't worthy, you are an embarrassment, you'll never be beautiful, no one will want you, you can't do that because you are too fat ... those are things that I believed for all of those years. Those are words that brought down my self esteem and totally crushed any confidence I could ever have in myself. Want to know what I've discovered though? That I AM worth it, that I am NOT an embarrassement, that I AM beautiful, and that the only one I EVER need to look to is my FATHER, and that through Him my life will be rich and full and when I experience that freedom that only HE offers I will be able to do more that I could ever dream. And you know the cool thing ... all of that is true whether I'm skinny OR fat! And all of those truths apply to you too! It's just that I wasn't giving God all of me ... I was trying to fix my own problems, and deal with my own emotional baggage with food instead of seeking HIS face. So for the first time I'm really starting to believe and feel all of these things in my life ... I feel like I can really breathe for the first time.
I have ALWAYS loved taking pictures. I'm a memory hoarder :0) and want to capture every detail and save them forever and always. But I remember before joining this ministry that I would kindly ask who ever was taking a picture of my friends and I to take a face only picture. I thought I had a pretty face, but that was about as far as I would go in complementing myself. Now, after losing all of this weight I'm excited to see those full length pictures because I feel like I'm looking at a whole different me. It's exciting to see the outward change mirror all the inward emotional and spiritual changes that are happening at the same time. I've never felt so free in all of my life.
I love that I can get excited about trying on new clothes now. Most of all though, I love how happy I am. I love that I'm not eating through all my emotions ... but that I can fully surrender everything that is going on in my life to God. I'm allowing Him into a place in my life that I've never left open ... and it is so freeing! So thankful for the new found joy.
If my journey inspires you to want to discover your own personal freedom, please send me a message and I would love to talk to you about Grace and Strength!
One of my friends and I are going to sign up to do a mud run at the end of the month. I hate.hate.hate.hate to run ... however running through a bunch of obstacles in tons of mud sounds like SO.MUCH.FUN! I really can't wait. So I have try and get training fast, because this is a three mile run (gasp!) But I really can't wait for this adventure!
Here are my three month pictures ...
