A Heavy Heart

I don't really know how to put into words the burden that is laying on my heart right now. I feel as though there really aren't words to adequately describe how my heart is hurting. Sometimes I just sit back and wonder how in the world God is going to orchestrate our adoption(s). I say adoptions because I 100% believe that we are not going to just stop at one. I am already praying daily for the Lord to give us direction and guidance as we seek to adopt more precious children into our family. I've been blog stalking {as I like to call it} lately and I have found some of the most beautiful families that love the Lord with all of their heart. The way they love the orphan and seek God's heart with everything they have is so inspiring. I pray that I live to even be half the women these beautiful moms already are. This is an emotional week for me ... more on that on Friday's blog post. But my heart is just really hurting for the orphans right now. I have seriously just been on my knees begging God for a miracle so that we can bring a precious child into our home to love forever. Will you pray with me for that? Will you help us pray that God brings that miracle now? I feel like the Lord has taught me a lot of what patience and the act of faithfully following HIM looks like over these past three years of trying to become parents. But right now the stirrings in my heart are so so powerful I am begging you to pray with us that God would provide that miracle now.

I bought a new devotional yesterday. It's called Embracing Your Freedom: A Personal Experience of God's Heart for Justice And on page 2 this paragraph came right out of the page and grabbed onto my heart -

"This Enemy of our souls is ruthless. He beats and bruises us. He kicks us when we're down, steals what matters to us, and distorts the truth. He is ruthless on all levels and everything he does is based on a lie. He is perfectly giddy at the thought of robbing us blind. .... But then there's God. We serve a God deeply motivated by love and profoundly committed to freedom. A God so mighty that even mountains melt like wax in His presence and ocean floors open at the blast of His breath. This same God loves us fiercely and calls us to participate in His divine nature. In addition to the salvation He offers us (which in itself is gift enough), He wants us free on earth. God wants us to stand strong in the face of our giants, our bullies, and our scary circumstances. He longs for us to enjoy an abundance of peace. He doesn't want us to be pushed around by our fears. God knows that sometimes the Enemy gets away with his schemes, but when we take Him at His Word, He helps us get back what we've lost - and then some."

This road to become parents has definitely taken its tole on my faith and trust in my Father. I hate that that had to happen ... I wish that I could take back time and re-do this part of my journey. I hate that I quit on Him for a bit. I hate that I lost all hope. I hate that my heart became bitter. I feel like I took five million steps back in my walk with God during that time ... 5 million steps I wish instead I had taken forward. I know that time has helped me to grow into a stronger woman. I know that my Father is still madly in love with his daughter no matter how stubborn I can be. And I know that even when I quit on Him, He never quit on me. I found this quote in my devotional in the paragraph right under the first one ...

"Even if you feel as though God is miles away, He's intimately near and fully engaged with you on this journey."

Oh, how true that is. And I have never felt Him more at work in my life than I do right now. I know that he is stirring something crazy up in my heart right now. Please, please pray for direction for us.