It Has Already Been Done …

Those five words from my previous post have almost been haunting me since I read them over on Kim’s blog. I’m not saying this in a negative way. I’m not thinking about it the way you would traditionally think of the word haunting … but instead as an amazing reminder that the steps it will take for this adoption to take place “have already been done”. God has already orchestrated this crazy little adventure that we are on, and in the midst of the waiting I had forgotten that. He already knows who our child(ren) *fingers crossed for loads more!* are … He knows every single hair on their head, just like He knows mine. I don’t know if our baby has been knitted together in his/her mother’s womb yet … but the steps to get us to our little miracle “Have Already Been Done!”

I feel like we are just kind of in this rut of a waiting period. Where it’s not necessarily a bad place to be … but just a slow paced, nothing new is going on kind of place. A place that is completely out of my comfort zone; a place that has me going stir crazy! I am the let’s get going girl with 20 million things on my to-do list that need to get done RIGHT NOW! I love staying busy and having a plan in place that helps me know where I’m starting and where I need to end. My mind is a never ending race of figuring out the best and quickest way to get these tasks completed, while at the same time slowly adding more things to the bottom of my list to complete when I finish the first 20 million. That’s my life … and really I love that fast paced race (that I create) … yeah I said it … the race that I CREATE. I’m wondering if this is a time of rest for us … for patience *yuck* and for time to just be STILL. That S-word is a bad word in my vocabulary. Still … what’s that mean? But at this part in our journey I really don’t have a choice but to be still. There literally is not much that I can do right now. I don’t have any grand fundraiser plans up my sleeve at the moment … so I’m being forced to just wait out this period and be still. It is so so so hard for this busy bee to get the hang out of it.


Our update is still going on … waiting on those silly FBI checks that are said to take 13 weeks … *WHY?* and then hopefully we can apply for some grants. I had a dream the other night that someone just gave us the rest of the money needed and I couldn’t stop hysterically sobbing. Man how totally amazing would that be!?


I was thinking about this whole fundraising thing … it seems to be something that follows me around everywhere. Just when I think I can hide from that fundraising word it sneaks up on me again. See when I was in college at Flagler I was involved in this incrediably amazing Christian club called InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. I was on leadership for most of my college years. I never in my life felt as challenged in my walk with God as I did during those four years of my life. I have never grown so much in my life, and I have never felt as close to Him as I did then. When I graduated I left for six weeks to Ghana , Africa and when I returned from my trip I was supposed to start an internship program called Pioneer Year at the local community college just down the road from Flagler. Before I left for Africa I was super excited about this new adventure God was leading me on. I loved loved loved ministering to students on Flagler’s campus. When I say loved … I mean that’s all I ever wanted to do … it was what made me happy. Then when I got back from Africa my adventure was supposed to start. I had no idea where I was going to live, I had no money, no job … and with this internship I was supposed to FUNDRAISE my salary. In the midst of being scared out of my life about embarking on a strange new campus that had no ministry what so ever, my partner “came out” and the group denied her application to come on staff. I was so so so scared. How in the world was I going to do this alone? I had already been feeling like this wasn’t what I was supposed to do … and honestly I don’t know that I made the wrong choice … but I quit. I quit before I even really began and most of that was to do with the fundraising aspect of the ministry. I don’t like to ask anyone for anything … I makes me feel weak and vulnerable, two feelings I hate to feel! So I quit, I got a teaching job and then got married all within that crazy year. And now … I’m back to that word … the one I originally ran away from. Fundraising. But this time it’s seems like God is asking me what it’s going to take to be worth fighting for? Was I willing to fight for that ministry no matter how my heart still is saddened that I gave up a chance to work with college students who I absolutely love? No, … I didn’t fight for them, I quit. Then I hear Him asking, “What about the orphaned?” “Are they worth fighting for?” And my response … Hell Yes! So … I’ve got my boxing gloves on and I’m willing to fight through any hoop that is thrown my way …even the hoop called “stillness”. *sigh*


Alya threw a curve ball at me last night. He actually threw out a fundraising idea! GASP! SHOCK! I don’t know about any of the rest of you adoptive moms but my husband is great at saying “yes dear, whatever you need dear” and signing on the dotted line when I throw a piece of paper in his face. He’s not the one that comes up with the crazy houred fundraising ideas and knows all the agency paper work like the back of my hand. So when he mentioned this idea, I was like .. huh? what did you just say? So I don’t know if it would actually come of anything, and I’m going to let him handle any details, if there are any with this particular idea … but it could be a good idea, maybe? lol See his cousin plays for the CA Angels baseball team. Howard Kendrick is his cousin … and he’s kind of like a small home town type of hero. The reason why this came up is because we were watching the All Star Team play on TV yesterday. And he mentioned that he found out he made like 1.7 million a year *now if that doesn’t make you throw u in your mouth a little, I don’t know what will! ha!* So I was like well maybe he would buy a baby or two?? Just totally joking, I don’t even know the guy … but maybe?? ;0). Alya was like well I did kind of have an idea that maybe he might help out with. He was thinking of having a signing or something like that and have people pay a certain amount to see him. I don’t know if that would even be something that could work out … but even so, I was very proud of Alya for trying to come up with something. :0)


I feel like I haven’t really been updating during the month of June and now into July … I hate having lots of blank days … I just don’t know what to write about. Praying that maybe if I can learn to be still, God will give me something to write about. :0)