We Won!!!

I forgot to tell all of you that we won the contest for a FREE newborn session with Kari Vennard Photography! if you voted for us ... THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

Not only that .... BUT we were also offered ANOTHER FREE newborn shoot by another amazing photographer, Julie Paisley Photography!!!!!

So that means TWO FREE newborn shoots of our little man!

Can you tell I'm just a little excited about this???

I L.O.V.E. pictures ... espcecially of little treasures. :0)

Take Comfort

"Take comfort under the wings of our GOD and don't be afraid to dream....Trust God this time will be different."

One of my friends wrote that in a message to me *thanks Margo!* I sooooo needed to hear/read that! And so I am taking her advice ... I'm taking comfort and I'm not being afraid to dream. I have my moments where I get scared, the walls come up and my first instinct is to prepare for bad news ... but I don't want to live in that moment. I want to be free and trust God this time will be different.

So ... while we trust and wait .... WE PAINT!

We said goodbye to all of our girly stuff *for now*

And we bust out some BLUE paint for our little man. :0)


And we pray for him and tell him how much we love him and can't wait for him to finally be in our arms.


Starting to come together ... almost done!


Alya is the edger in our family ...


Stay tuned on the room it's still under construction and I'm super excited to finally see the finished product. No worries ... I WILL post pictures as we go. :0)

While we wait, we also go to the craft store and score some awesome crafti-litious items. *I am in love with the green zoo fabric!* These will soon become accent/floor pillows.


This will be a wreath for the door to his nursery....


Halfway done wrapping ...



Done wrapping ... now I just have to add some accents to it. I haven't gotten to that part ... so stay tuned for a picture of the final product!


Oh, and there is so much more crafti-litious-ness happening around the Cotton household these days ... pics to follow :0)

P.S. Nothing is final yet, but we are strongly leaning towards his middle name being Samuel which means "asked for". *thank you kmcaffee!!* Now, how perfect is that name for our little miracle boy? Josiah Samuel Cotton, your mommy is so ready to meet you sweet boy!

The Middle

We have decided on calling this baby boy Josiah .. but I can't seem to think of a middle name to go with it.

Do you guys have any suggestions??

Free...

This whole weekend was such a high that I knew an emotional break had to be coming around the corner at some point in time. And it happened this evening in the nursery talking with Alya...

I didn't realize what an emotional attachment I had to our nursery. To the girly nursery ... See this room was our Hope's room. There are so many memories there ... so many emotions attached to each memory. After Hope left we changed things around a little bit and added some more details to the room for when we thought that Amiah was coming to join our family last December. There has been so much love that has gone into making that room special for our little girls ... and tonight I had a little break down about the idea of changing it all. Don't get me wrong ... I am SUPER excited about decorating for our new little boy ... it just seems like re-decorating is an end to what we used to have. It's an end to what my heart was still waiting for ... and covering that up seems like I'm giving up and moving on. And I know that I will be okay ... it just hurts my heart a little bit. I know that I will shed a few more tears as I start to pack away all my girls stuff ... but I know that the excitement will come once we crack open the new paint and start decorating for our future. A few of my friends have mentioned that this will probably bring closure to me ... I guess I just didn't realize how much I was still clinging on to. When ever we refer to the nursery we still always call it "Hope's room" ... although that little girl will always have a place in my heart I know that I need to move on and make it "Josiah's room".

Another part of my breakdown tonight was that I'm just scared. I have been on a high ever since we found out that all of this was happening again ... and I am super excited. Our meeting this weekend was really good ... and I honestly couldn't have asked for a better situation ... but nothing is final until the paperwork is signed. And that is the part that scares me. It's not that I don't trust God ... it's not that I don't have enough faith ... because I do. I believed with my whole heart that the last adoption was going to go through ... but what I discovered was just because I am trusting God doesn't mean that my heart isn't going to get broken. This particular situation seems to be moving along perfectly and I have no reason to think that it's not going to work out .... but the heartache of what we went through just a month ago keeps playing in my head.

I so wish that I could just be free. Free to be fully excited. Free to fully dream and prepare for a new arrival. Free to re-decorate while we have the extra time and energy. But ... I can't. We felt free with the last adoption ... and it was so so so hard to return and un-get-ready for a child to come. I hate not being free.

The First Time

Do you know how hard it is to have something so super exciting happening and your hotel doesn't offer free wifi for you to update your blog?????

haha

I even brought my computer with me because I just knew that I would be able to get on the Internet at our hotel. NOT! I even had blog drafts rattling through my head right before we left ... one titled "I'm so nervous, I think I'm going to throw up". lol So, obviously we didn't have internet this weekend and now that we have made it safely home I'll give you a little recap of our crazy last minute trip!

We left on Saturday around 1:00 for our 5 1/2 hour trip to Pensacola. The plan was to get settled into our hotel and then meet up with a friend of mine that I've known since I was 16. He and I have been really good friends ever since, but once I got married I wasn't really free to travel to hang out with him anymore. So it was great to catch up with him since it's been awhile! We used to have a lot of good times hanging out ... it was fun to bring up old memories. :0)

After dinner Alya and I went back to our cheap-o hotel and spent the night. I had AWFUL dreams the whole night. Dreams where my family and students were dieing in and then one about rats eating off my dinner plate at a hotel ... umm random (Andy I think that one is your fault bringing up a conversation about my pet rats I used to have lol) We woke up on Sunday at a pretty normal time ... except that in Pensacola we are an hour behind! UGH! So we had to wait even longer. We were going to meet my college friend and our bmom at 11:30 at Ruby Tuesdays for lunch. Check out was at 11:00 so we drove around randomly looking at ... well pretty much nothing, just trying to waste time. I was so so so nervous and just kept praying that we would hit it off and that things wouldn't feel awkward.

The girls finally arrived and we met them out in the parking lot. Introduced our selves to our bmom and gave her a quick hug. The lunch went great. We just casually talked ... didn't get into super deep questions or anything. We talked about football ... college .... family ... and then of course baby stuff. :0) Her due date is March 7th and I was able to confirm from her that she does want us both to be there when he is born. I told her that she would have to text me and let me know so that I could speed drive very carefully to meet them. She told me that she is going to talk to her doctor about the possibility of inducing her so that we can make sure that we are there in time. I'm hoping that he agrees to that because that would make things a lot easier with planning for us. She said that he moves around LIKE CRAZY. He constantly kicks her (daddy's little soccer star already!) and is measuring at over 4 pounds. Everything looks great. She didn't really have any questions for us. I think she just wanted to get a sense of who we are from just hanging out face to face. I really am so thankful that we had the chance to meet her this weekend. I can't wait for baby Josiah to get here!

So as of right now, we just continue to wait! ugh the awful "W" word! Her next appointment with our agency is in another two weeks. (I think that is when her next doctor appointment is too.) I really am happy with how things went today ... I feel very excited for the days to come! Having the chance to meet her really has made things feel real. It feels like we are moving in the right direction this time and that both parties are fully engaged and participating in this adoption plan. I'm happy to be able to know how she is feeling about all of this ... it just gives me more peace that we aren't going to be heartbroken like the last time.

So, friends ... stay tuned and wait along with us! :0)

P.S. Thanks soooo much for the prayers! They were definitely felt! :0)

It's Happening!

A road trip that is.

Yeah, for real.

Found out tonight, that tomorrow my hubby and I will be on our way to Pensacola.

to. meet. our. birthmom.

The plan is for us to leave in the afternoon on Saturday sometime. We are going to drive on over and have dinner with an old friend of mine that lives there now, stay at a hotel for the night and then meet my friend and bmom on Sunday. None of the details have really been set yet, other than we are leaving TOMORROW!

I am seriously beyond excited. I have prayed and prayed and prayed throughout this journey that we would be able to meet our birthmom and have some sort of relationship with her. I am also super nervous!

So...

1. Please pray for my nerves to go away.
2. Please pray that there is an instant connection between us.
3. Please pray against any awkwardness.
4. Please pray for a sense of peace about this adoption for both our bmom and us.
5. ahhhhh I can't believe this is actually happening!!!!!

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Doing the happy dance as I go to bed tonight. Will update soon!

The Meeting

So the meeting with our agency went well. I guess it was pretty short ... just filling out paper work and such. Honestly nothing too big to report on that. The doctor appointment also went well ... he's still doing good. :0)

I am waiting to hear from our bmom to find out about this weekend still. I am not sure if we will for sure be going this weekend or not. Stay tuned ...

I wish I had more to post about today .... everything still seems to be going good, just not really any "new" news to post about today.

I will however say that I am super excited that tomorrow is Friday. ;0) I hope that you all have a great weekend!

Tonight I am choosing to let my mind rest so that I can get a good nights sleep. :0)