I am so excited for tomorrow to happen that I'm making myself sick lol ... not really sick, just the nauseous, oh. my. god. this could really be happening kind of feeling you get when your WHOLE life could be changing forever. Tomorrow is the day that our bmom finally meets with our agency. She is already verbally committed to this adoption ... just hasn't had the chance yet to commit with organization that will make that happen yet. My friend from college will be going to the meeting and I am so ready to hear how it went. I'll be refreshing my email all day long waiting for the update I'm sure.
I talked with my friend earlier this evening about the subject of the bmom and us meeting each other. I know that our bmom wants to meet us ... so I was just trying to think of how that will happen. I know that we can meet through our agency but I feel comfortable meeting outside of our agency as well. There is a chance that we might meet up this weekend since it is a long weekend for me. I literally am shaking with excitement over the idea of finally meeting the woman who is giving me one of the greatest gifts I could ever ask for. She is giving me the piece of my heart that has been missing for so long. I am really excited about the chance of having some sort of relationship with her. We live 5-6 hours away from her, so a little road trip might be in the very near future. :0)
I got an email from a friend of ours tonight ... I had suggested that she look into using our agency and so she contacted them only to find out that they no longer are accepting applicants from outside of the area. They told her that she could use the agency that is located closer to where we live. ummm hi we haven't been with them for very long, so we just made the cut! Annnnd it just so happens that our bmom lives in Pensacola too. So crazy. So God. ah... chills.
On another note .... I also found out that there could be a possibility that the foster care agency that we are licenced with could potentially complete this adoption for us which would mean it would cost us nothing. Here's what processed through my brain when I first heard of this idea. FREE? = amazing. However, I absolutely, positively do not trust this organization with this adoption. It also would require us to work/trust a different county/workers we do not know with this precious gift. Something I am not willing to do. It would also mean that our bmom would not be able to get the counseling/support of an agency that I think she could benefit from. So, although I think that a free adoption would be incredibly amazing... it's just not something that I'm worried about. I don't want to lose another adoption because of money. I don't want to lose another adoption because I allowed fear or lack of faith in God providing to get in the way. This is what I learned about where I am at in this stage of our adoption. Money/affording this adoption is no longer a fear of mine. In fact ... I don't even think about it. I know without a doubt in my heart that God has had everything taken care of from day one ... and He's not going to all of a sudden dump us in the middle of it. So ... we are staying with our agency.
I got an email back from one of our grants again today. They were already reviewing it ... but with the updated information that I gave to them they wrote back and said that they would further review our application in February. So we continue to wait to hear back from them. I'm glad it wasn't an immediate "NO" like I have gotten back from the other grants. We are still hoping to get this golf tournament off the ground as well ... so along with everything else involved in this adoption journey we continue to wait.
So ... that's where we are with things at the moment. Hopefully I will have some more news to post tomorrow. :0)
Today I am choosing to be excited about new possibilities.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
A Little Speck
I'll be going to bed with one of these on my face tonight - :0)
I got to talk to my friend tonight and just get some more information about this adoption. I find myself living for just the next little speck of information that I can get.
I am excited about the idea of meeting our bmom ... praying that that day comes soon.
I did find out tonight that she wants us to be there when he is born. sigh ... Alya and I have prayed from day one that we would get to be there ... I can't even describe how happy that makes this adoptive mommas heart feel.
I also found out that my friend is going to be going to the meeting at our agency with her and to her doctors appointment afterward. I am sooooo thankful for my old college roommie ... man, oh man do I owe her big! :0)
Before, when our last adoption fell through I started ending my posts with this:
I have a choice. And I am choosing to trust. I am choosing to love. And I am choosing to hope.
Tonight ... I'm choosing to allow myself to dream about my little man :0)
I got to talk to my friend tonight and just get some more information about this adoption. I find myself living for just the next little speck of information that I can get.
I am excited about the idea of meeting our bmom ... praying that that day comes soon.
I did find out tonight that she wants us to be there when he is born. sigh ... Alya and I have prayed from day one that we would get to be there ... I can't even describe how happy that makes this adoptive mommas heart feel.
I also found out that my friend is going to be going to the meeting at our agency with her and to her doctors appointment afterward. I am sooooo thankful for my old college roommie ... man, oh man do I owe her big! :0)
Before, when our last adoption fell through I started ending my posts with this:
I have a choice. And I am choosing to trust. I am choosing to love. And I am choosing to hope.
Tonight ... I'm choosing to allow myself to dream about my little man :0)
Friday, January 7, 2011
It's Too Late...
You know, I really didn't know how I would react when we got our next match. *technically that hasn't "happened" through our agency yet" I didn't know if I would have the attitude of "yeah right, I'll believe it when I see it", if I would feel afraid, or if I would be overly excited. I still don't really know how to take this situation yet. The whole thing is crazy of how things are working out so far. I want to let loose and be overly excited ... I want to shout it out that I'm going to be a mom ....
But in the world of adoption that isn't necessarily how things are going to play out. We've already striked out once. And I don't want my heart to suffer strike number two. I kind of feel like it's already too late though. My heart was involved at the first mention of this little boy. My heart butted itself right into the situation, complicating things as usual. :0) It's attached ... and nothing is for real yet.
He's all I think about already. For so long I've been dreaming about Amiah ... I didn't know how quickly my heart could wrap around loving Josiah instead. Room redecorating ideas are already swimming through my mind. I can't wait to see Alya love on his son ... the one that will carry on his last name. I can already picture Alya coaching his soccer team. ;0) I am so getting ahead of myself here ... but my heart can't stop itself as much as my mind is telling it that I'm an idiot for getting attached already.
Here's a recap of how all of this came about:
We spent Thanksgiving at my parents in Louisiana. I remember driving over there (from Jax. fl) how painful it was to drive right by Pensacola where we were supposed to be just a week earlier bringing home our little Amiah from. It was at my parents house where I received an email from an old college roommate. It was totally random, and most definitely unexpected. She told me that she had a friend that was pregnant and was interested in adoption and would I be interested. Now, I don't know about the rest of you adoptive moms out there, but I have friends all the time telling me that they know a friend, who knows a friend, who knows a friend that is pregnant and how I should totally adopt their baby. Have you heard that before?? Well I have heard it at least a half dozen times ... and it's fine, but I just never get my hopes up in those situations because they NEVER pan out to be anything. So when my old roommie sent me that email, I was like okay, sure we would be interested let me know the details (while not holding my breath that anything was going to happen). Well, I never heard back from her until this past Sunday where she emailed me again. She said that her friend was still very interested in us adopting her little boy and that she would be willing to do whatever adoption process we felt the most comfortable going with. I told her that I would go ahead and research how much it would cost to just use a lawyer since we had never looked into that and I would get back to her. I found out that just using a lawyer would cost $15,000 plus birth mother expenses .... a WHOLE LOT more than our agency. So I told my friend that we would feel most comfortable continuing to work with our agency (located in Pensacola ... where the b-mom lives! *crazy!*) and if she was serious about us adopting her baby that she could get in contact with them and we would be on board. How about the next day she did! She called our agency and set up an appointment with them for next Wednesday morning to sign paperwork. I don't really know how things work on the other side (b-mom side) of the adoption process ... so I don't really know what all she has to do, and I don't really know where we will go from there as of right now. The b-mom found me on facebook and we have sent each other a couple of messages so far. I feel excited that she is the one that is initiating all of this because if makes me feel like this is definitely something that she wants. I am also excited because from day one of Alya and I's adoption journey we had prayed that we would be able to have some type of relationship with the birthmother. We never met/had any contact with our last birthmother and I think that is the reason why things played out like they did. I think that to her, we were just pictures in a book, not real people who would be there to love her child. I'm praying that in this situation that this birthmother feels a connection with Alya and I that gives her peace to know that her sweet little baby boy will be loved unconditionally.
At this point I am feeling really excited and positive. I am also feeling guarded because I felt the same way during the last possible adoption and look at where that got us. However, I am not trying to hold on to all that happened last month ...I'm trying to remain positive about this new situation and just trying to give God all of my fears and trusting that He will guard my heart.
But in the world of adoption that isn't necessarily how things are going to play out. We've already striked out once. And I don't want my heart to suffer strike number two. I kind of feel like it's already too late though. My heart was involved at the first mention of this little boy. My heart butted itself right into the situation, complicating things as usual. :0) It's attached ... and nothing is for real yet.
He's all I think about already. For so long I've been dreaming about Amiah ... I didn't know how quickly my heart could wrap around loving Josiah instead. Room redecorating ideas are already swimming through my mind. I can't wait to see Alya love on his son ... the one that will carry on his last name. I can already picture Alya coaching his soccer team. ;0) I am so getting ahead of myself here ... but my heart can't stop itself as much as my mind is telling it that I'm an idiot for getting attached already.
Here's a recap of how all of this came about:
We spent Thanksgiving at my parents in Louisiana. I remember driving over there (from Jax. fl) how painful it was to drive right by Pensacola where we were supposed to be just a week earlier bringing home our little Amiah from. It was at my parents house where I received an email from an old college roommate. It was totally random, and most definitely unexpected. She told me that she had a friend that was pregnant and was interested in adoption and would I be interested. Now, I don't know about the rest of you adoptive moms out there, but I have friends all the time telling me that they know a friend, who knows a friend, who knows a friend that is pregnant and how I should totally adopt their baby. Have you heard that before?? Well I have heard it at least a half dozen times ... and it's fine, but I just never get my hopes up in those situations because they NEVER pan out to be anything. So when my old roommie sent me that email, I was like okay, sure we would be interested let me know the details (while not holding my breath that anything was going to happen). Well, I never heard back from her until this past Sunday where she emailed me again. She said that her friend was still very interested in us adopting her little boy and that she would be willing to do whatever adoption process we felt the most comfortable going with. I told her that I would go ahead and research how much it would cost to just use a lawyer since we had never looked into that and I would get back to her. I found out that just using a lawyer would cost $15,000 plus birth mother expenses .... a WHOLE LOT more than our agency. So I told my friend that we would feel most comfortable continuing to work with our agency (located in Pensacola ... where the b-mom lives! *crazy!*) and if she was serious about us adopting her baby that she could get in contact with them and we would be on board. How about the next day she did! She called our agency and set up an appointment with them for next Wednesday morning to sign paperwork. I don't really know how things work on the other side (b-mom side) of the adoption process ... so I don't really know what all she has to do, and I don't really know where we will go from there as of right now. The b-mom found me on facebook and we have sent each other a couple of messages so far. I feel excited that she is the one that is initiating all of this because if makes me feel like this is definitely something that she wants. I am also excited because from day one of Alya and I's adoption journey we had prayed that we would be able to have some type of relationship with the birthmother. We never met/had any contact with our last birthmother and I think that is the reason why things played out like they did. I think that to her, we were just pictures in a book, not real people who would be there to love her child. I'm praying that in this situation that this birthmother feels a connection with Alya and I that gives her peace to know that her sweet little baby boy will be loved unconditionally.
At this point I am feeling really excited and positive. I am also feeling guarded because I felt the same way during the last possible adoption and look at where that got us. However, I am not trying to hold on to all that happened last month ...I'm trying to remain positive about this new situation and just trying to give God all of my fears and trusting that He will guard my heart.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Could It Be???
There may be a potential something coming up.
I am trying super hard to guard myself this time.
Let's just say that there is a potential birth mother that my old college roommate is friends with who is possibly interested in us adopting her little boy.
She just so happens to live in the same place that our agency is located. She called them today and has an appointment with them next week to go sign some paper work.
She is having a little boy and she is due in March.
Annnnnd the roller coaster ride takes off again!
I am trying super hard to guard myself this time.
Let's just say that there is a potential birth mother that my old college roommate is friends with who is possibly interested in us adopting her little boy.
She just so happens to live in the same place that our agency is located. She called them today and has an appointment with them next week to go sign some paper work.
She is having a little boy and she is due in March.
Annnnnd the roller coaster ride takes off again!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
I Need Your Help!
Okay friends, we have a super awesome opportunity to win a *FREE* newborn photo shoot for when we bring home our sweet little miracle. All that you have to do is visit Kari Vennard Photography here on facebook like her page and then post a comment that says "I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET LINDSAY COTTON'S BABY!". The more posts I have the better chance I have to win a 2-3 hour newborn session where I will receive a CD of my favorites (25 images), edited and ready to print and 11x14 wall portrait. The contest runs through January 5th and will close January 19th at 11:59 a.m. The winner will be announced on January 21st.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE go visit her site and leave a comment. As many of you know adoptions are SUPER expensive and so winning a free newborn shoot to capture some sweet moments with our little miracle would be such a HUGE blessing!
Thanks so much friends!!!
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE go visit her site and leave a comment. As many of you know adoptions are SUPER expensive and so winning a free newborn shoot to capture some sweet moments with our little miracle would be such a HUGE blessing!
Thanks so much friends!!!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Open Arms
I feel like I am welcoming 2011 with open arms. 2010 was a rough year for us ... and I just feel like I am ready to embrace something good this year. I'm ready for a change of constant highs and major lows to just finally being content and happy and full of peace.
This past Christmas was perfect. I love love love being at home with my family. I think that it gets a little harder each year being so far away from the ones that I love. I have lived down in Florida for going on 10 years now and each year I realize just how much I am missing out on what's going on with my family. You know just the day to day normal life stuff that I would normally be able to be apart of if I didn't live so far away. I love each one of my crazy family members dearly. I also loved having a white Christmas ... it was SO beautiful.
Alya and I on Christmas morning
My momma and me on Christmas
Me and my dad on Christmas
My beautiful niece and big sister and I on Christmas night
My big sister and big brother and I on Christmas night ... we are missing another sister though who lives in London now ... love you Tam.
Alya had to go back to work last week so we had to cut my vacation with my family short and return back to sunny Florida. Of course it would choose to snow super hard the morning that we left so the driving conditions weren't great almost the whole trip home. But we made it safe and sound!
I pretty much just sat around all week long. Actually, that was my plan. I wanted to sit in my comfy pj's all day and just read, knit, sew, and catch up on my DVR'd shows that I had missed lol. And that's pretty much all that I did. I got a new sewing machine for Christmas. I had asked for it because I really really wanted to learn how to make a quilt. My two great grandmothers were known for making amazing quilts and when they passed away the quilt making/knitting died with them. I have always been very crafty and I have wanted to bring that back into our family. It's just something that is special to my heart.
I am very proud to say that I made two aprons last week. I wanted to make a mommy and daughter apron for my bff and her little girl aka my niece. I am super bummed that I didn't take a picture of the Gracelynn's before I gave it to my friend but here's the idea of what the aprons looked like only the fabrics were switched for the smaller one. I really was quite proud of myself.
I had a little helper lol
Annnnnd JoAnne's had a 50% off their classes sale for the New Year so I just signed myself up for my first quilting class at the end of the month! There are four of them and they are like 3 1/2 hours long. I am pretty sure I could probably figure out how to make one on my own, but I want them to turn out really good so I figured learning it the right way the first time instead of experimenting like I did with the aprons would probably save me a lot of money, time and stress lol. I am super excited about it and can't wait to complete my very first quilt. And what I am really excited about is that once I learn I can make sweet little quilts for baby showers for all my fifty million friends that are preggo right now lol. Annnnd maybe a sweet, special little one for our own little miracle one day (hopefully soon).
So ... now things are back to normal again. We are currently waiting to hear back from another grant application that we turned in months ago. We just got a little questionnaire thing sent to us a few days ago wanting to know where things kind of stood for us right now. We have already been denied two other grants so this is kind of our last hope as far as a grant goes. We were supposed to be relicensed for foster care last Thursday ... I spent the WHOLE day cleaning my house and running errands for paper work stuff we had to get filled out and THEY DIDN'T SHOW UP! So, now they are coming tomorrow night instead and I have to re-clean my whole entire house because of course it couldn't stay clean for a whole week for them to come back again. sigh ... It's been a year next month since the boys left ... we haven't had any other foster kids since then. I really don't know what if anything is going to happen with us being re-licensed, but I would still like to keep our license just in case we do decide to take in more kids. I know that being foster parents will definitely still be apart of our lives in the future, I just don't know if it will right now. I just don't want to have to go through the hassle of having to start all over again to get licensed again ... so there is no harm in having our home visit (except the re-cleaning part ... sigh again) tomorrow night to get re-licensed for another year. I just contacted our agency today and was told that our profile has not been shown to any other birth mothers since our last adoption fell through. There could be a potential adoption situation that has been brought to our attention through a friend but I'm just really trying to guard my heart right now since we just went through the loss of our last adoption. It's too hard not to get your hopes up about a potential anything ... but I'm doing my best to just sit back and let God guide us. The ball is not in our court right now ... so if things progress then we will know that we are moving in the right direction. Right now I'm just praying for complete peace and guidance throughout this particular situation for all parties involved. Hopefully I can give a little more information as time goes by, but for now just pray for doors to be wide open if this is the way God wants us to go or for them to be completely shut if this is not what He wants for us right now.
Happy 2011! Love, Linds
This past Christmas was perfect. I love love love being at home with my family. I think that it gets a little harder each year being so far away from the ones that I love. I have lived down in Florida for going on 10 years now and each year I realize just how much I am missing out on what's going on with my family. You know just the day to day normal life stuff that I would normally be able to be apart of if I didn't live so far away. I love each one of my crazy family members dearly. I also loved having a white Christmas ... it was SO beautiful.
Alya and I on Christmas morning
My momma and me on Christmas
Me and my dad on Christmas
My beautiful niece and big sister and I on Christmas night
My big sister and big brother and I on Christmas night ... we are missing another sister though who lives in London now ... love you Tam.
Alya had to go back to work last week so we had to cut my vacation with my family short and return back to sunny Florida. Of course it would choose to snow super hard the morning that we left so the driving conditions weren't great almost the whole trip home. But we made it safe and sound!
I pretty much just sat around all week long. Actually, that was my plan. I wanted to sit in my comfy pj's all day and just read, knit, sew, and catch up on my DVR'd shows that I had missed lol. And that's pretty much all that I did. I got a new sewing machine for Christmas. I had asked for it because I really really wanted to learn how to make a quilt. My two great grandmothers were known for making amazing quilts and when they passed away the quilt making/knitting died with them. I have always been very crafty and I have wanted to bring that back into our family. It's just something that is special to my heart.
I am very proud to say that I made two aprons last week. I wanted to make a mommy and daughter apron for my bff and her little girl aka my niece. I am super bummed that I didn't take a picture of the Gracelynn's before I gave it to my friend but here's the idea of what the aprons looked like only the fabrics were switched for the smaller one. I really was quite proud of myself.
I had a little helper lol
Annnnnd JoAnne's had a 50% off their classes sale for the New Year so I just signed myself up for my first quilting class at the end of the month! There are four of them and they are like 3 1/2 hours long. I am pretty sure I could probably figure out how to make one on my own, but I want them to turn out really good so I figured learning it the right way the first time instead of experimenting like I did with the aprons would probably save me a lot of money, time and stress lol. I am super excited about it and can't wait to complete my very first quilt. And what I am really excited about is that once I learn I can make sweet little quilts for baby showers for all my fifty million friends that are preggo right now lol. Annnnd maybe a sweet, special little one for our own little miracle one day (hopefully soon).
So ... now things are back to normal again. We are currently waiting to hear back from another grant application that we turned in months ago. We just got a little questionnaire thing sent to us a few days ago wanting to know where things kind of stood for us right now. We have already been denied two other grants so this is kind of our last hope as far as a grant goes. We were supposed to be relicensed for foster care last Thursday ... I spent the WHOLE day cleaning my house and running errands for paper work stuff we had to get filled out and THEY DIDN'T SHOW UP! So, now they are coming tomorrow night instead and I have to re-clean my whole entire house because of course it couldn't stay clean for a whole week for them to come back again. sigh ... It's been a year next month since the boys left ... we haven't had any other foster kids since then. I really don't know what if anything is going to happen with us being re-licensed, but I would still like to keep our license just in case we do decide to take in more kids. I know that being foster parents will definitely still be apart of our lives in the future, I just don't know if it will right now. I just don't want to have to go through the hassle of having to start all over again to get licensed again ... so there is no harm in having our home visit (except the re-cleaning part ... sigh again) tomorrow night to get re-licensed for another year. I just contacted our agency today and was told that our profile has not been shown to any other birth mothers since our last adoption fell through. There could be a potential adoption situation that has been brought to our attention through a friend but I'm just really trying to guard my heart right now since we just went through the loss of our last adoption. It's too hard not to get your hopes up about a potential anything ... but I'm doing my best to just sit back and let God guide us. The ball is not in our court right now ... so if things progress then we will know that we are moving in the right direction. Right now I'm just praying for complete peace and guidance throughout this particular situation for all parties involved. Hopefully I can give a little more information as time goes by, but for now just pray for doors to be wide open if this is the way God wants us to go or for them to be completely shut if this is not what He wants for us right now.
Happy 2011! Love, Linds
Monday, January 3, 2011
January Giveaways!
Go check out this blog: juliepaisleyphotography to see some super amazing giveaways she is offering for the WHOLE month of January! Alya and I personally had pictures taken by her ... she is SUPER talented and amazing, you will love her! :0) (p.s. she DOES travel)
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