A Better Tomorrow

I'm getting a huge dose on what it means to be self - less here lately.

It's really all apart of being a mom ....

Everything becomes about them and not so much about you anymore. And I have waited for this opportunity for so long.

Being Josiah's mommy has been so easy. The road to adoption was so long and so tiring ... but now that he is actually here in our lives it's been such a smooth and easy transition. And I am so thankful for him and the blessing that he has been to our lives.

Being a foster mom on the other hand, is the hardest job I have ever had.

The girls have been here for almost four weeks. The first couple of weeks were really difficult with our oldest (6) ... we had to deal with really really really bad tantrums. But we finally got to a point where it all stopped ... and we made it for almost 2 whole weeks before she had another episode. But then they started up again three days ago ... Sometimes I just feel like a failure. I feel like I can't love hard or deep enough. I don't know how to help her ... I don't know how to fix it ... I don't know how to convince her that she is safe and that we love her.

It's all very frustrating and overwhelming and I just feel burnt out. I get so frustrated with myself because I can't give 100% to every little thing or one in my life right now. Being a foster parent means that you give up your comfort zone ... it means loving even when it's hard. It means letting go of your normal routines and fully embracing all the visitations and counseling and meetings that go on with the kids that you take in. It means dealing with a broken system on a daily basis. It means being a VOICE when no one else around is speaking loud enough.

One of my friends asked me after I had just dealt with a four hour long tantrum if I regretted taking them in ...

I told her, well in the middle of a huge tantrum ... I can't lie and say that doesn't cross my mind once or twice. But you know ... they deserve to be loved just as much as Josiah is loved. They deserve to be wanted just as much as Josiah was wanted. They deserve to feel safe and cared for. And if I am the only one that can offer all that to them ... then let it be me. I'm not going to lie ... the selfishness of being human sill lies there. It's a battle every day to not want to throw in the towel and just walk away. But I know that I have to choose to fight FOR them and not AGAINST them. I know I have to do it because who else is?

Tonight was rough ... but I'm committing to making tomorrow better.

A tooth, Court, & Craziness

Josiah officially has his first tooth! I noticed it on his 6 month bday just yesterday! Crazy, crazy! He's getting so big already!

Josiah's court date is less than a week away. I'm super excited about making everything official. We are going to get to spend some time with Josiah's birth mom while we are over in Pensacola too. I'm really looking forward to that time. :0) Annnnd my parents have decided to meet us over there from Louisiana. I am so excited about being able to share this special time with them!

Craziness = we are getting 2 new foster daughters this Friday. They are three and six years old. Yeah, I know crazy. But I am super stoked about being able to provide a safe and loving home to some more kiddos that need it. Keep us in your prayers this weekend as we go through some major changes in the Cotton household.

Court Date!

We got our court date to finalize Josiah's adoption this week! It's been set to be held on August 23rd at 4:00 in Pensacola! We are getting soooo close to having Josiah finally be 100% Cotton :0)

Some of our awesome friends made some little onesie's for Josiah to wear. The first one is for him to wear now ... it say's "Almost a Cotton" and then they made another one that says "100% Cotton". :0) I LOVE THEM! I'm thinking that I might put the 100% Cotton one under a button down shirt for court and then once the judge declares him ours forever I'll bust his shirt off to take pictures. :0) Here's a picture of the "Almost a Cotton" one. He was sleepy and not in a mood to deal with mommy's picture taking time. So I didn't capture any with that big huge smile that he normally gives me ... but there's still time :0)

24 more days to wear this shirt!




We are still trying to figure out how to get the rest of the money in by our court date. We have an awesome bass guitar that someone donated to us to sell that is worth $2,400. If we could just find a buyer for it we would be set! We have $1884.24 still to raise. Please be praying with us that it comes in QUICKLY!

Twenty-Eight & a BBQ

5 month picture in my great grandma's rocking chair that my family gave to us when we were up in Ohio a few weeks ago. I LOVE IT!

Josiah is officially five months old now! Sooooo crazy that time has flown by this fast. I really feel like we should still be at the hospital waiting to take him home right now. These have by far been the best five months of my life. Each day is a new adventure as a mommy. I am amazed at how fast he is growing and changing each and every day. He's learning so much and is definately not my little baby boy anymore.


mommy's little cow boy :0)

Josiah is learning how to sit up already! He still needs lots of help ... but each day we practice a little more and gets better and better.



He loves to sit in his little excersaucer and play with his toys. He's teething like mad right now ... no teeth yet, but I know that they are coming! He really is so laid back and such a chill baby. He's so easy going and only cries if he's hungry. He notices himself in the mirror and cracks up at his reflection. He giggles all the time and it's about the cutest thing you have ever heard. He has brought so much joy to our lives ... I can't imagine my life without him.

We went to the beach with some friends last week. It's really his second time at the beach (first time he did great!) He hated the water this time. It was a little bit colder than last time ... little man is a diva when it comes to the temperature level of his water lol. It has to be super warm or he will scream his head off. So he enjoyed playing in the sand better ... still was able to capture some super sweet pictures of him though. :0)


such a sweet little face! (check out those eye lashes!)


laughing and having a good ol' time playing in the sand :0)

Last Saturday was my 28th birthday. We spent the day having a HUGE BBQ fundraiser for Josiah's adoption. A sweet sweet sweet family of a student that I taught two years ago offered to buy and cook all the of the bbq for us so that all the money that came in from the dinners went straight to us ... a 100% profit! We sold .... get ready for it .... 102 DINNERS @ $9 EACH! The dinners were either pulled pork or 1/2 a chicken with baked beans, cole slaw and bread. We were slammed the whole day! We actually RAN OUT OF FOOD TO SELL! Go God! Many people gave us extra money to go toward our adoption fund as well. The family's sweet little boys set up a lemonade stand to help raise more money too. They were so sweet. Love, love, love this little family! We are so blessed to have such amazing friends who have loved and supported us through Josiah's adoption! The grand total for the day was ..... $1,175.89! How stinkin amazing is that!?!?


The set up for the BBQ fundraiser


The cook himself ... Jason!


One of the little boy's Chase holding Josiah.


Josiah and Daddy took Mommy to Long Horn for her birthday dinner. This is the best birthday yet ... I finally got to experience a birthday as a MOMMY!

OHIO + LOTS OF PICTURES = :0)

We've been back home(Florida)for a few weeks now, and I'm missing Ohio like crazy. I had the best time sharing our little man with all my family for the first time. The time between visits back home is just way too long and I hate it.

We left after Alya got home from work on Thursday and drove through the night. We figured that this would probably be the best time to leave so that Josiah could sleep the whole time. We got on the road about 6pm and Josiah fell asleep right away and continued to sleep for 10 hours straight! He did so good! *side note* As a new mommy, I cannot believe how many places do not offer changing tables in their facilities ... seriously, it's 2011 get with the program people! *so annoying!* We got into Columbus around 7am .... to say we were tired would be an understatement! We stayed for the first half of the week at my aunt and uncles house (really 2nd cousins but you get the point) They were so great, and Josiah love, love, loved Debbie :0) Twenty of us met at our favorite pizza place (pizza in the south sucks ... gotta go up north for some good pizza!) It was so fun. Then Alya, Josiah and I left to go over to my old youth pastor(s) house for a fun game night.


Josiah and Howard


Josiah and Debbie


Josiah meeting his Pop (my dad) for the first time at the pizza place.
We had a big family get together that Sunday, which was such a fun event to finally introduce Josiah to everyone!


Josiah and my mom (his mamaw) and great aunt Lisa!


Josiah went putt putting for the first time :0)


Josiah at his first 4th of July fireworks show!


Josiah watching the fireworks for the first time. He did GREAT! Didn't cry at all ... just watched in amazement :0)

Josiah got to experience his first time swimming in a pool!



We had to say goodbye to daddy on Wednesday night because he had to go back to work. Mommy and Josiah moved to my other aunts house to spend the rest of the week. We spent a total of six days without daddy which was a lot of hard work for mommy, but so worth it! (even though we missed daddy :0) )

Josiah looks so pitiful in this picture lol he really just woke up but it looks like he's super sad that his daddy is leaving him.


Josiah meeting his 3rd cousin Rachel and her new baby (4th cousin) Sloane!


My sweet boy


Josiah thinking he's big enough to drink water out of a big boy cup now :0)


Josiah, Mommy and Aunt Wanda :0)


Josiah and his great papaw! :0)


Josiah and his great grandma


Josiah and his Aunt Shelly (my sis)


Josiah and his cousin Kayleen (my sis Shelly's daughter)


Josiah and his Aunt Tammy (my sis)


Josiah meeting his cousin Mitch (my sis tammy's son)


Josiah meeting his cousin Nick (my sis tammy's son)


Josiah and his Uncle Matt (my bro)


Josiah and his cousin Tyler (my bro Matt's son)


Josiah meeting his cousin Madison (my bro Matt's daughter)

Josiah and I left bright and early on Monday morning. I had this grand plan of leaving after he woke up for the first time to eat his bottle because he always goes back to sleep. Little did I know that Josiah would have a CRAZY sleep schedule for the two days prior to leaving as well as the night before. He was up like every hour which is so not like him! I ended up leaving at 5:30am with only having four hours of sleep. I was EXHAUSTED! Our plan was to stop in North Carolina to meet up with a bloggie friend of mine. We've known each other for about a year now and have become good internet friends :0) so we decided to make it official and meet each other in person! She just adopted her daughter from Jacksonville actually (which is crazy that it was so close to us) and is only two weeks older than Josiah. It was sooooo great! Felt like we've known each other forever .... and I can't wait for future family get-togethers! :0) The trip to NC was an eventful one .... only seven stops and 11 hours of driving (was supposed to only be 7hrs 45min) I tried a different plan leaving NC and slept in as late as little man would allow and just took my time getting things together. Josiah did MUCH better on the second part of the trip back home and it only took us 6 hours instead of 5. Not too bad in the long run.



*DISCLAIMER* It was early in the morning but we are still both beautiful new mommies :0)


Josiah and Moriah meeting for the very first time! :0)

The trip was amazing and I already can't wait until Christmas comes so that we can do it again. It's so fun experiencing all of these "firsts" with our little miracle boy. I love being a mommy so so so much. My heart is so full and I've never been happier in all my life. :0)

Yard Sale Wrap Up

This past weekend we had another yard sale, this time it was at our house. Alya and I woke up at 5am to start setting up, to say that we were exhausted at the end of the day would be an understatement. But we are very thankful for the donations that we received that day ... just takes us one more step closer to reaching our goal.

Here are some pictures of the set up.









I think that this is probably our last yard sale for awhile. It's a great way to raise some money but there is sooooooo much work involved and it just takes a toll on your body after awhile! We raised $247.19 this past weekend plus have hopes to sell two more beds later on in the week which would be an additional $500. Between the past two yard sales that we have had and other donations throughout the week we have raised $690 so far. We need $4110 to reach our goal. We're getting there ... slowly but surely.

Yard Sale # 1,567,999

So yard sales are a great fundraiser ... they bring in decent money usually, and there's no money involved which = free and one happy adoptive momma. However, yard sales are A LOT of work! Especially the type of yard sales the Cotton's have. We had another round of donations to sort through (thank you, thank you!) and a glorious AIR CONDITIONED building to have another yard sale in. We are so super blessed to have great friends help us with the set up, all day sale, AND clean up. We've had to do some of our other yard sales all by ourselves, and it's super hard work! I feel so bad for my hubby having to lift all those heavy items by himself. So I was super thankful for another strong guy to help him last weekend. Along with all the donations we also did a little raffle ... an awesome friend of ours made a necklace, we also had gift cards for a pedicure and a dinner at a local restaurant were the items that we raffled off. And get this ... the SAME woman won all THREE raffles and we even had a different kid pick the ticket from each bucket. So, so weird! But I am really glad that she won the prizes ... we just met her that day, but she shared with us that her and her husband had tried to adopt and it fell through. Broke my heart ... and can totally relate ... so I'm glad that she got to win something from our special fundraiser for Josiah :0) Unfortunately our little town decided that having yard sale signs displayed was not okay and they took them all down. :0( So we didn't have customers past 1:00 ... major boo! We were still able to raise $373.93 plus a sweet friend gave us a $100 check later that evening. So we packed it all up and came back home. Here are a few pics of the day ...


Here we go again ... packing up the car!


Alya tying down the trailer with tarps because it decided to RAIN!


Where's Josiah??


Oh there he is! Fast asleep :0)


Here's the room with tons and tons of items for sale!





Josiah was so amazing! We are so blessed to have such a good baby.



We are planning on having another yard sale this Saturday to try and sell more of the items that we have ... (because there are still tons!) Hoping for a great day of raising money for our sweet boys adoption!

Update

Summer break has finally arrived and I am l.o.v.i.n.g. every single second of it! I am so happy to finally be able to be a stay at home mommy of my adorable son. *even if it's just for the summer* My heart completely melts every time his face lights up when I go into his nursery to get him up in the morning. He is the happiest baby I've ever met and he brings such joy to my life. I really have never been happier in all my life ... my heart feels so full. :0)

So far summer hasn't been super busy ... mostly just lazy days snuggling and playing with my boy. He is four months old now and growing like a weed every day! He weighed 17lbs 5oz at his last doctors visit last week. (how about he gained 3lbs in 3 weeks lol) and is 25 1/2 inches long. He's my little chunk and I love it!





Alya experienced his first father's day this past Sunday, which also happened to be the same day that Josiah was dedicated at church. Here are a few family pics of that special day.









Josiah is smiling all the time now and has even started to giggle. It seriously is the. cutest. thing. ever. to hear! His daddy sure can get him giggling and it makes me fall more in love with them every time I watch them play. Alya is such a good daddy and I'm so thankful for him. Josiah is rolling over and has started to grab his toys. He has discovered his hands and how good they must taste because they are always in his mouth! His current favorite toy is his exersaucer and will stay in there for long periods of time playing his life away.













We are getting ready to head up to Ohio next week. I am beyond excited to see my family and finally be home again. I am also super stoked about my family finally meeting Josiah for the very first time. I wish we were leaving now ... so so so ready!