Adoption is no joke. There will be waves of doubt. Waves of frustration. Waves of the unknown and constant waiting. Waves that take your breath away. Waves of sorrow. Waves of excitement and joy. Waves of hope. Our journey has been far from easy. It's been at times a never ending roller coaster ride. There were times when I thought the tears would never fade. Times where I felt like my heart would never feel whole again. Times when I felt like all of the joy had been sucked from my life. But then there were also times where I met the most incredible families. Families that I would never had met had we not taken the plunge and trusted God to take us down this journey to adoption. There were moments that took my breath away as I watched miracles happen right before my eyes. One of those miracles being our very own Josiah. My life has been so deeply touched by this journey. No, it has been far from easy. The journey itself had more dark times than happy it seemed. But the end result ... is priceless. The moment I held Josiah in my arms in that hospital room I knew that I could finally breath again. I knew that all the waiting was over. I was finally his momma ... and all the hoops we had to jump through, all the tears that fell from my eyes, all the times my heart had been broken were all worth it for his little life. Something I've learned along this journey is that if God has laid adoption on your heart your life will never again be the same. Quitting will never be an option. You will find a strength in you that you never knew you had. And in the end, no matter how long this journey may take you ... you will experience a love so powerful it will blow you away. My fight was so worth it ... and I can't wait for the next journey to another little miracle to begin.
Even though we have our little bundle of joy, our first adoption journey is not yet over. We still have $4800 to raise in about a month. The verse at the beginning of this post is one that I'm holding onto right now. I've seen God show up in crazy ways along this adoption journey of ours ... and I know he will do it again. That doesn't mean that I'm not human and stress out now and again. There are times that I still feel overwhelmed and try and try to plan ideas to come up with the money. There are still times where I feel hurt and even sometimes bitterness towards the big fundraiser event for us that was cancelled. And I'm working on trying to forgive ... but some days it's hard when you feel like you are the only one that cares about this little life and all the fighting you've already had to endure. And I know that's not true ... we have so many people praying and supporting us ... but sometimes that's just how I feel. To be honest ... I don't know how we are going to come up with the rest.... and it scares me. So, I'm just trying to pray through it .... trying to give all those negative thoughts and feelings over to God ... trying to be real, but holding on to faith all at the same time. Trust is always something that I've struggled with ... especially when I'm not in control. Trying to cling to that trust every day ... and believing that another miracle will happen.
No comments:
Post a Comment