Here We Go Again ....

Around 5pm on May 20th I heard my phone ring. 

"Old Caseworker Name" popped up on my phone screen. 

I sit for a second trying to wrack my brain around which caseworker this is, and why they are calling me when it dawns on me ... hey! That's Baby N's caseworker! 

So I answer with a cautious ... "hello???" (thinking why in the world is this lady calling me?)

"Lindsay! I'm calling you to tell you some really exciting news! The case plan for N is getting ready to be changed from "reunification" to "adoption". The aunt who took her doesn't want to adopt her and wants to return her back to care."

ummmm excuse me?

"It's still going to be a long road through TPR ... but she's coming back and I had to call you to let you know! I totally have goosebumps right now, I can't even believe that this is happening!"

"Are you kidding me right now??"

"The aunt is willing to drive her back from NC herself this weekend."

"Ummm okay ... of course we want her, OMG this is crazy right now! ... we have two other kids under 2 ... but umm of course we can make this work! I can't say no!"

.... 

So that was my afternoon ... you experience anything like being told that what you thought was your once long gone little love now suddenly returning back to you with now the hopes of adoption added to her??!!

Oh geez ... seriously! 

The caseworker is supposed to talk with her tomorrow (now today ... I can't sleep) and get all the details, but from what she had said she would be returning her back this weekend. So hi, I need a THIRD crib ... and oh geez 

You know what ... there was a time when I beeeeegggggggeeeeedddd and cried to God for a baby. I thought that I was being punished. I was HEARTBROKEN. I knew beyond anything in my heart that I was supposed to be a mommy ... and I thought that dream would never come true. Now it's raining babies at the Cotton's lol. We will have four kids 2 and under .... welcome to the circus. :0) Is it crazy and chaotic? Yup, pretty much every second that they are all awake at the same time lol ... but we can't say no to her, we just can't say no. And we will love hard, and go crazy and laugh all at the same time ... but all these babies will know that they are safe and loved. 

Please, please keep praying with us. We still have a very very long road ahead of us. The caseworker is moving away at the end of this week ... she is putting everything in place for us, but it still makes me nervous. The court date to change the goal is June 11th and it will be months and months for TPR (termination of parental rights) to go through and then adoption. And I'm so scared to be this excited because the system has crushed us time and time again ... but I just can't help it. Our baby girl is coming home!