Words Cannot Express ....

Words cannot express how thankful I am.

I feel so blessed to have been chosen for this crazy journey of ours. I know I started off this journey kicking and screaming ... I also know that I have done a complete 180 since the very first beginnings of our journey towards adoption. It hasn't been easy ... actually it has been THE HARDEST thing I have EVER experienced in all my life. But I wouldn't for one second ever wish that this wasn't apart of our lives.

I will be forever grateful for the people that God has placed in our lives to walk through this journey with us. I am thankful for friends that stood by my side month after month that I found out I wasn't pregnant. I am thankful for friends that have just simply listened as I vented and cried, and then cried some more. I am thankful for friends that prayed for us and stood by us as we walked through being foster parents for the first time. I am thankful for friends that have shared their excitement and joy as we experienced being a mommy and daddy for the first time in our lives. I am thankful for friends that held me together after we lost our Hope, and when I felt like I had lost all of my heart completely. I am thankful for friends that held me as I walked through the deepest darkest time in my life. I am thankful for friends that helped us through the obstacles we faced fostering older children. And I am thankful for friends that have challenged me along the way.

I am thankful for every penny someone offered to us through our baby bottle banks. I am thankful for every chocolate peanut butter buckeye that was sold. I am thankful for donated items for our yard sales. I am thankful for unexpected gifts towards our adoption fund. But most of all I'm thankful for the prayers that were lifted up for our adoption. Because without those prayers ... we would have nothing.

I am even thankful for the tears ... alllllll the many tears that have been shed throughout this whole process. Because I know that I grew a little bit stronger with each tear that fell.

Yesterday I got an unexpected email from our Journey Group leader saying that someone had donated two guitars and two amps to us to sell for our adoption fund. I went over to their house last night to pick up the equipment and honestly couldn't believe my eyes. The equipment is all less than one year old. The first guitar's retail prices is over $2,000, the bass is also over $2,000 and the two amps at over $600! I guess the guy who donated the items had them looked at to see what would be a fair price to sell them at and he was told not to take less than 50% for everything! Holy cow! I was beyond shocked ... I just feel so humbled by the amount of people that want to be apart of this journey with us. At the beginning of everything I felt like this was the deepest darkest LONELIEST times in my life. And although I don't really have a lot of friends or family that have been down this road to actually fully understand what goes on emotionally ... I DO have TONS of friends and family that still want to walk side by side with us supporting us along the way. Our child is going to be so blessed to have so many friends and family who love them sooooo much. Being able to look back down the road that we have come so far I feel so thankful for the people that I have been able to meet through this process. I know that we now have life long friends because of our journey to adopt.

Soooo ... wanna see some pictures of the new donated items???? :0)

Item #1 - Taylor Acoustic-Electric Guitar - 416ce Blackwood LIMITED 2009 comes with a Taylor hard case as well. Less than a year old. Retail price $2,898.00We are asking $1,450.00







Item #2 - Peavey Cirrus 5 String Bass-USA. 6 months old. Also comes with hard case. Retail Price - $2,419.00. We are asking $1,210.00








Item #3 - Roland AC-60 Acoustic. Less than 1 year old. Retail Price - $603.00. We are asking $302.00.




Also comes with a case.


Item #4 - Roland KCW1 10" Powered Subwoofer. Less than 1 year old. Retail Price $649.00. We are asking $325.00


If you know anyone that might be interested in buying them please let me know! :0)

I also mailed out two of our adoption grant applications yesterday. I mailed out God's Grace Adoption Ministry and helpusadopt.org applications. I also mailed out our homestudy to our adoption agency today as well. Good things are happening ... Each day we get one day closer to meeting our little miracle for the first time.

Drum Roll Please!

It's here! It's here! It's here!

The 9 pages making up our homestudy update finally arrived on Saturday morning! I am super excited to have it be in our hands ... it almost feels like a million dollars!
*I said almost, okay :0)*




These are the four adoption grants that we are applying for. I spent all day Sunday getting all the information together for them. It kind of sucks because of all the research that I have done trying to find grants over this past year, I have only found FOUR that our particular adoption meets the requirements for. So ... big prayers going up that we will be given some kind of grant from each of these ministries.


*I'm going to list how much we requested from each one ... just so that I can have that to look back to once we hear from the ministry.*
Here's the first one ... the gift of adoption. We requested $3,500 from them.


This is our application for helpusadopt.org We requested $3,000 from them.


This is our application for God's Grace. I don't think we requested a certain amount from them.


This is our application for ShowHope. I don't think that I requested a certain amount from them either.

So ... these will be going out sometime this week! I am just waiting on a couple of references to come in before I can send them out! YEA!!!!

So ... here's the next step for us. I have to mail off our homestudy to our adoption agency .... AND .... wait! LOL Man, I just loooove that word. I bet if you looked up the work 'wait' in the dictionary it would have a picture next to it of me waiting ... It might look sometime like this ...




LOL. So I guess then we just wait on a call! And then say yes or no! yikes! It just seems so surreal that we are actually at this stage in our adoption because it felt for awhile there that we would never get to this point.

Here's a little update on our big fundraisers that we had been planning. So Casting Crowns are a no go as well ... bummer. And we have decided not to do the local band thing as well. We are really wanting to do one really big event that can bring in the most money instead of doing a bunch of little ones and using up all our energy. Our church had a big golf tournament last year and brought in over $12,000! So we are thinking that that is going to be our next fundraiser. We are supposed to meet up as a small group next week to kind of discuss details and get started with the fundraising part now. I'm excited for what is to come ... praying for BIG things! :0)

LOVE

I've caught myself thinking about the meaning of this word the past couple of weeks. Wondering if I really understand what it means. Wondering if I really understand what it should look like.

And when I really sit down and make myself admit to it, I know that I fail every day at loving the way Jesus commanded us to love.

But I also know, that I want more of it. I know that my heart desires to love more like he did. To be more pure and honest in my intentions to love.

Some days I suck at loving other people. A lot of days I am selfish ... because sometimes loving other people is a really hard thing to do. But each day is a new day ... and each day I want to love more purely and intentionally.

There is a little boy that God has brought into my life this year. And some days I just want to ask God why he brought him into my life because I know for a fact I wasn't praying for patience. But you know what ... I think I have finally figured out why He did bring him into my life. He brought him into my life to teach me how to really love. He brought him into my life to help me learn how to love so patiently it hurts. To learn how to love through pain. To love through frustration. To learn to love when it's hard. And it has been HARD! But I love this little boy with everything inside of me ...

He came in one day wearing the same clothes he had on the day before. He was filthy. I have to clean his face and neck off with baby wipes almost every morning. On this particular day his clothes were literally beyond dirty. I found a new pair of clothes for him to change into and told him to go ahead and change. I was walking outside and all of a sudden I felt someone run up to me and give me a huge hug from behind ... and then he ran away again. He didn't have to say anything to me ... but I know that he was thankful for those new clothes. I know for even a split second of his life he felt loved and cared for by someone.

Through working with the foster system this past year and a half I've learned that it's not necessarily that some momma's don't love their kids ... it's just that some momma's can't love their kids more than their addictions. So, I guess that's where I come in ... sometimes I just want to be selfish and say that I only want to love kids that can be forever mine. But I truly believe that God gave me an extra sensitive heart to love on those kiddos who's momma's just can't love them the way they should right now.

Although our time with the boys was one of the hardest times in my life ... I left that situation feeling like I had failed at loving them enough. I know that I did what I could at the time ... but I always think that I could have done more. I am thankful for the things that I have learned from them. I am thankful for another opportunity to love when it's not easy to love. I'm thankful that I've been chosen to be placed in this little man's life. I just pray that I don't fail. Most days loving this little man is the hardest part of my day. He doesn't make it easy ... but then again, who's made life easy for him? He has simply learned to survive each and every day. He has had no one to trust. He has already lost his child like innocence. So ... why should he make it easy to love him? No one has ever shown him real authentic love before. My prayer is ... let that person be me. Even with all the daily battles ... let that person be me.

It's on it's way!

We faxed off Alya's birth certificate tonight .... annnnnd when I got home I already had an email from the agency saying that they had received our fax and that they would be mailing out our homestudy tomorrow morning! yea!!!!

So ... here we go!

No word on the band yet ... hopefully I'll hear something soon.

Feeling really good about having one major part of this journey accomplished. Now onto the next big hurdle!

Big Things ... *maybe*

Our homestudy update is ALMOST done!!

We have been waiting for this moment for so long I don't even really know what it's going to feel like once we actually HAVE it! It has felt like a piece of our journey that would never actually come. buttttttt .... it's almost here! The only document we are still waiting on is Alya's birth certificate which should hopefully arrive tomorrow. Then I can fax it over to the agency that is doing our homestudy update and BE DONE! *fingers crossed!*

As we are getting closer to the possibility of being matched with a birth mother *gasp!* we are trying to figure out more ways to raise the rest of the money that we will need. Our church/journey group has been so amazing with supporting us through this whole process. We feel so blessed to have these amazing people be apart of our lives. And I am so thankful to be able to share this crazy journey with friends that have truly become my family. We have been trying to brain storm fundraiser ideas that could bring in lots of money. The best idea that we have come up with so far is to have a benefit concert night. This is where we are need of LOOOOOOOTTTTTS of prayers!

So ... apparently not only do we already go to church with awesome people ... but we go to church with awesome people who also may have possible "in's" with big bands. So here are a few of our 'ideas' or plan A-Z lol. The first idea *Plan A* was to get Steven Curtis Chapman to come and play at our church. This idea rocked ... but we found out today that it's not going to be able to happen. Blan B. is to get Casting Crowns to come and do an acoustic concert at our church. *ummmmm hi! how awesome would that be!??!?!* We are supposed to find out about that tomorrow possibly. It's totally something that is kind of out there as far as something that could actually happen .... but hey I have seen crazier things happen before! So ... pray, pray, pray, pray, pray! Now if all of that doesn't work out then we have Plan C. Which is to get local bands to play. So, either way things will be awesome ... and I am super excited about getting the ball running with this event!

Hopefully I'll hear some amazing news tomorrow ...

Girls Night

Okay ... so I promised that I would blog about our Red Carpet Gala our church put on for all of us lovely ladies this past Friday night. I really can't even describe how beautiful and amazing that night really was. This post if full of lots of pictures .. but I don't think any of them do justice to how awesome it really was. The gala was held at our church ... and man oh man did they deck the place out! Chandeliers, beautiful table decorations, photographers, the men were our servers, and of course don't forget about the red carpet! ... this list goes on and on and on!

Three of my Journey Group (small group) girls, my bff's sister and I all met at a house to get ready and drive over to the gala together. I am not really one that gets dressed up very often ... in fact I have never dressed up for a formal event besides my wedding. lol I never went to any dances growing up, so all of this dressing up and getting your hair done was quite fun. :0)


Right after we got ready ...





Prom pose!



The room was soooo beautiful!



Check out the table decorations!



These shoes were beautiful ... but they hurt like you know what! lol I'm not usually the dress up kind of girl. A good pair of flip flops and I'm good to go! So let's just say these shoes weren't on my feet for very much of the time that night. However, they did display the program very well ...



My best friend





My journey group sisters (minus one)



Can I please tell you about Alya's outfit that night??? Because this picture looks like I'm scolding him lol ... Alya was working the sound board for the evening and needed to wear black pants and a white shirt. We went to Kohls last week and found him a new pair of pants and that vest that he has on in the picture. We didn't get a new white shirt because he had one at home. As we were leaving the store the alarm went off. I told Alya that one of the items might have one of those ink tag things on it. He searched really well like a typical guy and said that there was nothing there. So ... we went home (45 min drive) Fast forward to the night of the gala. Being a typical guy the wonderful man I married he didn't get his outfit together until he was putting it on at 5:00pm (we were leaving at 5:15pm). He put his leg through the pant legs and what do you suppose he saw right on the ankle???? YUP! The stupid ink tag. Not only did he not have any pants but he couldn't seem to find his white shirt either. So a half hour before he was supposed to be at the church for set up he had to run to good old Tar*et and buy himself a new outfit. sigh .... boys ...



we're cute ...






Okay... so this one is embarrasing ... but it was just so good I had to post it. It still makes me laugh out loud every time I look at it haha.


The night was perfect. And I am so so so so glad that I went. We started the night out with an awesome dinner followed by even more amazing worship. There were several awards given out to women from our church and then Alya and I were invited up to share a little about our adoption journey. They did a special offering for us at the end of the event that night and with the gifts from the women who attended the event and also the gifts from our adoption ministry at our church we raised $3,500!! We feel so blessed to be able to be apart of the amazing things that God is doing at the Journey. We are so thankful for the people that He has brought into our lives during this time in our life. We have loved every minute of being able to share this journey with such sweet and amazing people. This adoption journey has been a long one ... and it hasn't been easy ... but in the end it will all be so worth it.

The night ended with an AMAZING speaker. I was so bummed that I didn't bring a pen because every time she would say something I would be like oh, that's good! and then ... oh, that's good too! and then oh! that's really really good! lol So .. since the sound guy just so happens to be in my journey group I've got an in with getting a copy of her speaking lol. I can't wait to share some of the things that she talked to us about that night ... I left so challenged ... and I really can't wait to share!

Lately ....

Wow ... it's been a really really really long time since my last post. I've been around ... still blog stalking everyone else :0) just haven't really felt like I really had much of anything to write about our journey lately. I miss it though ... I miss allowing the words of my heart to pour out on this screen. Blogging our journey has definitely been a blessing, and hopefully I'm out of my rut and can get back to it again.

Here's a little update on our adoption journey as we know it ...

Our homestudy update has taken FOREEEEEEEEVVVVVER to be completed. I found out last weekend that our FBI checks have FINALLY come in, however we still need like ten other documents to be faxed into the agency before it can be completed. Can I just ask why someone can't make up a homestudy check-off list for all the documents that will be needed? Seriously I want to know why agencies haven't made one up yet? It just seems that once I get in all the "final" papers that are needed I get sent an email thanking me for sending those documents in, but that now they need these 10 more things to be turned in and then we'll be all set. Only not really because once I've dug through every inch of my house looking for those 10 more documents they now all of a sudden need 20 more? I just don't get it ... really I don't. I mean didn't they know that they needed all those documents from us at the very beginning? Sigh ...

So our FBI checks have come in but now we have to:
1. get a copy of Alya's birth certificate (we can't find his, which means taking off work to go wait for hours in the office to get a copy.)
2. get a copy of Alya's SS card (because he lost his once upon a time ago, which means taking off more time from work to wait for hours in another office to get a copy ... oh wait he already did that and now we have to wait for 2 weeks to get a new one in the mail)
3. Get our new kitten's shot records (we're bad and haven't gone to the vet yet)
4. Send in our 1040's for the past THREE years ... (why?)
5. And I have to write answers to questions about why I want to adopt outside of my race.

We are SO close! It's just a super busy time for me right now. School just started back up and I feel like I'm running around like a chicken with her head cut off at times. I know that everything will come together when it's supposed to ... it's just hard when I know that the ball is in our court and everyone is just waiting on us to get things turned in.

Here are some positive things that are going on in our lives as we wait for our homestudy to be completed...

1. Alya was one out of 50 people chosen nation wide for a full scholarship to the University of Phoenix! Waaaahooo go Alya! I am excited for him and his new journey as a college student. :0) He is wanting to major in an IT computer networking type of degree. We definitely feel so blessed to be offered this scholarship because without it we wouldn't be able to afford for him to go to school. I know that he has always wanted to further education, and I am so thankful that he has been given this wonderful opportunity!

2. We have been given the opportunity to share our adoption journey with our church family. Our church is putting on a gala tomorrow night and we have been asked to share our story with the amazing women that will be attending. They will be taking up an offering for our adoption fund at the end of the evening. We feel so blessed to have been apart of such an amazing church family for the last 2 1/2 years. The people of our church have literally become like family to us and I can't imagine our lives without them. I'll make sure that I post pics and share about the event later this weekend. :0)

That's pretty much all that is going around here. Not a whole lot is new ... still in the waiting stage ... but I know we're getting closer to the day where we will meet our perfect little bundle of joy. :0)