Josiah's Birth Story - Day 3

Friday was the day of discharge ... I don't know that I will ever be able to fully explain all the emotions that I was experiencing on this day. We were expecting for Haley and Josiah to be discharged around 1:00 that afternoon. Haley texted me to let me know when Josiah was brought back to the room and as much as I wanted to run up to the hospital to hold our little man my heart was telling me to wait. It was so hard leaving Josiah every evening to go back to my friends house without our child. I wanted more than anything to sleep on the floor of his nursery just so that I could be there every second with him. But I also knew that when we left that was the time that Haley got to spend with him. On Friday when she let us know that we could come up to the hospital I knew in my heart that these last few hours before discharge should be hers. That was my gift to her ... there will never be anything that I could offer her to ever match the sacrifice that she offered to us that day ... so the only thing that I could think of to offer her was more time with our precious baby boy. I knew that I would have a life time of holding him, so I wanted to give her the last few hours just her and him. We ended up going to the hospital around 12:30. Before we went into the hospital I made Alya drive around so that I could take pictures of the place where he was born. *Yes, I'm the sentimental, crazy memory hoarder keeper.*


Josiah was born at Sacred Heart Hospital in Pensacola, Florida


Here's the picture of the Woman's Center where he was actually born.

We parked the car and started walking up towards the doors of the hospital for the last time as a family of two. It seemed so surreal ... so crazy that all the waiting was finally going to be over in just a few hours.


Daddy carrying the car seat into the hospital to bring our little man home in. :0)



Our last picture as a family of two!


Josiah's room.

We entered Haley's room for the last time that day and sat and visited until the nurse's started the discharge papers.


Toes!


Chillin


Josiah sporting his going home outfit.

Our social workers from our agency came around that time and started trying to find a room where we could all do the formal adoption paperwork. During that time we realized that Haley didn't have her license with her so she and her friend had to leave the hospital to go get her ID from her house. During this time Alya and I went ahead and signed all of our paper work. Once Haley got back to the hospital we all let her have the last few moments with Josiah by herself before she signed over her rights. While waiting out in the hallway I got text after text after text from family and friends wondering what was going on. There were so many people praying for this moment ... and I can tell you that EACH and EVERY prayer was felt on this day. After a little while Haley was ready to sign her paper work so Alya and I continued to wait in the hallway. I know that this whole process didn't take very long but to me it seemed to be an eternity. This was the last moment ... we made it ... and as amazing as the past two days had been spending with Haley there was still a chance that she could change her mind. I remember on our initial drive over to Pensacola how my mind kept going in a million different directions. There was so much excitement, yet at the same time fear of another let down going through my heart. And I remember as we were driving just feeling like God kept saying over and over ... Lindsay be still. I have this. Trust me. Just be still. Trust me. And so I did ... during those last few moments I just gave them over to God. I trusted Him. I let go for the very last time that day. Haley did sign the paperwork and on top of that we found out that she was able to get in contact with the birth father who had left for California the day of Josiah's birth. He was still willing to sign the paper work and so our agency faxed it to him and he signed and mailed it back to them. Praise God! Once all the paper work was signed we strapped Josiah into his car seat so that the nurse could check to make sure he was in there properly.


In his car seat for the first time getting ready to go home with mommy and daddy!


so tiny!

We all walked out to the front of the hospital. Our social workers said their goodbye's and Haley and I waited for Alya to bring the car around. Haley put Josiah's car seat into the car and told me to enjoy him and then started walking away. I just remember saying "Wait!" and walking over to her and giving her a big hug. I hadn't cried all day until that moment. I just kept thanking her and telling her that she had given us a gift that no one else could ever give to us. That I would be forever grateful to her. She walked away and got into her friends car as I got into the backseat of ours to sit next to my son for the very first time. I was still bawling my eyes out ... I know how much Haley loved Josiah and if the circumstances would have been different that she would have kept him. I know how much of a sacrificial love that she gave to him on that day. I will never ever be able to thank her enough. She gave me the gift of being a mommy ... something that I have waited all my life to become. My life changed FOREVER on that day, and my heart has never felt fuller.


We're in the car heading back towards Jacksonville!

We didn't get home until almost midnight that night. We had to stop a few times to feed Josiah and change him but he was PERFECT the whole ride. He slept the whole time. Besides me coming down with something and feeling physically awful the ride went smoothly. Someone must have slipped me stupid pills because I ended up buying some Tylenol PM to take to make my aches and chills go away and so I felt so drugged our first full day home with him. I think that our bodies had been on an emotional roller coaster for so long and there had been so much tension that had built up over the last couple of days that our bodies were finally allowed to relax for the first time in a really long time and so I ended up getting sick. I told Alya on the way home that for the first time I felt like I could finally breathe again. There was a HUGE weight that had been lifted off my shoulders and had been replaced with a love so deep and so strong that my life would never be the same.


We finally made it home! Here's Josiah sleeping in his bassinet for the very first time.

My heart is so full and content now. :0)