The Battlefield

"Be vigilant on the battlefield of your mind, for that is where most of our battles are lost or won!"

-Tammy Nolan

 

Ever have one of those experiences where you read something and you know that you know that you know that it was meant for you to read that very second???

 

I was meant to read that quote today. I neeeeeeded to read it today.

 

The adoption specialist came by to bring a ton of paperwork for me to sign for "N's" adoption. The meeting was fine ... no big deal. She was in and out in about 10 minutes. She doesn't even have to complete a homestudy for us because we already had a foster one done through FSS so all she will have to do is some minor updates. You know like change the word "foster" to "ADOPT!".

 

I'm going to get Alya to sign the papers tonight and then drop them back off at her office tomorrow. We have to get fingerprinted *AGAIN* and then the ball can get rolling with all the paperwork. We have to also get 5 references completed and turned in. Once TPR occurs on the 22nd we will schedule for her to come back out to our home to share all the non-disclosed paperwork with us and then petition to adopt. We will have to wait at least 30 days after TPR occurs before we can officially adopt "N".

 

She seemed like this was an open and shut case. I mentioned the other family members who the mom was trying to get homestudies done for ... she had no clue about them. She shared some information with me of possible things that could happen .... non that set my worried mommy heart at ease.

 

I'm so ready for the month of August to be over already! I feel like I have a ton of bricks on my shoulders and that I won't be able to breathe until all of this mess is done and over with. My brain keeps going a million miles a minute with all of these possible scenarios and to be honest I just need a good cry. (Glass I mean pitcher of "mommy juice" anyone??) I happened to stumble over that quote above on a friend's FB page ... WAM! It totally smacked me across the face *in a good way*. I really need to get a hold of my thoughts ... All these scenarios that I have on instant replay in my mind are all things that could happen. But there is nothing that I can do about a single one of them at this point in time. The choice I have right now is to allow myself to get beat down by all the "what-ifs" or I can choose to push all that negativity out of my mind ... my heart, and love my littles in this moment. The fact is I'm still nervous, I'm still scared that we might have to say goodbye to our little girl for a second time .... but I'm going to choose to trust that God's got this taken care of. And that if that moment comes He will carry me through it.

 

Court for pre-trial is Thursday ....

 

Keep praying friends.