When I called him back he told me about an agency called Covenant Care Services located in Georgia. He knew of someone that had adopted through this agency and had recommended it to him because of the cheaper adoption fees that he had to pay. I immediately called the agency to ask for some information regarding their adoption process.
After reading the information they emailed me, I had a lot of questions to be answered before I wanted to commit to this agency. It was hard not to get excited about about working with an agency that would potentially only cost us $7,500!!! Next to the $20,000 it would cost to work with Bundle of Hope. Holy Cow! But after reading through the information that they sent to us, it said that the cost of adopting from them would be BETWEEN $7,500 and $15,000 ... now I don't know about you, but that is a big difference. Plus you have to get your own lawyer to finalize the adoption which would cost more ... and then who knows any of the other hidden fees that would creep up on us later. I wanted to believe that this was possible .. but I honestly I am just so afraid to open up my heart for yet another disappointment. I'm afraid to go into something blindly fully trusting them only to get screwed over in the process.
After just re-reading that last sentence, I realize that is my problem ... here I am worrying about trusting someone or some agency, when really I need to be dropping to my knees asking GOD for direction and trusting HIM for HIS guidance ...
sorry ... middle of the blog random eye opener lol
Anyways ... so it's not that I haven't been mad praying about this decision. Asking God to give us direction, asking for peace and clarity on which way to go ... it's just that I haven't felt any peace about anything yet. I keep waiting on God to give me an answer, I just haven't heard anything yet. All of these random phone calls, emails, etc. about possible adoptions/agencies is getting a little too overwhelming for me. Like I said in a couple blogs ago, there are just too many "drafts" blowing our way right now. Like there are so many things that "seem" really awesome, but no clear picture on YES, THIS IS IT, open door, please walk through!"
I got an email back from the Georgia people today (gotta love with-it agency's who contact you back immediately) she gave me the break down of the income pay scale. It looks like we would have to pay $13,125 to adopt from there. I asked her if she knew about how much it cost to hire our own lawyer and she said that in Georgia it was usually around $1,200. But that we also had to make sure that we found an agency that could do our post-adoptive visits after we brought our baby home ... how much that would cost I don't know. And would Bundle of Hope still work with us on that when we didn't adopt from their agency??? Another big thing about this agency is that we have to wait until we have been married three years to apply which isn't until June. They also don't recommend making a specific gender choice, and Alya and I really want to adopt a baby girl. I just want to figure out which agency to use so that I can send in our grant applications. We have to really be sure of which agency to use because once we mail in those applications, whatever agency name we give is where the money will go. If we don't use that agency, then we lose all the money.
I've just been kind of feeling sick about making this decision. It's almost like we are signing our life away once we fully commit ... I'm usually the one that comes up with ideas and makes decisions throughout the process of getting to our goal .. not that Alya and I don't discuss decisions throughout the process, it's just that Alya is just usually the one who is like "sounds good dear", or "whatever you think we should do" he is a great support and just kind of goes along with the flow. I finally broke down to him this evening and caught him up to speed with the new information I got today. And I was just like "Alya, I really just don't know what to do!" And you know what, we actually had a good conversation about what would be the best decision for us. He actually gave his opinion, yea Alya! lol I really want to honor him as the leader of our family, and as my husband and really listen to his heart. He has such a quiet spirit, and it's hard for him to really open up about things ... but when he does, I know it's coming directly from his heart. He thinks that it would probably be best to stick with working with Bundle of Hope. After all is said and done, this Georgia agency will probably cost pretty close to what it will cost us working with Bundle of Hope. Plus there is a lot more leg work for us, which honestly we just don't need. Bundle of Hope has everything in place ... we really did feel peace from the very beginning with working with them ... and I agree with Alya, we should just stick with where we are. But this time we need to fully commit and get in the game!
So that's what's been running through the mind of an almost adoptive mother. :0)It's always hard going through something for the first time ... there are always SO many unknowns and it is a very scary road at times. I am so excited for this journey, even more ecstatic in thinking about our end result, but it's still scary thinking about the decisions that we have to make during the process of getting to the end. I just have to keep giving back my heart to God .. have to keep trusting him to keep it guarded and safe. Please just pray for a clear wide open door to open up. Please pray for our miracle ... we still have SO SO SO much money to raise, and I'd lie if I didn't say that it was daunting at times. BUT I also know that God can do anything ... and I am BELIEVING in OUR miracle to come soon.
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