It Was Supposed To Be ...

This morning I dragged my butt out of bed and drove out with Alya to our church. I really can't explain how much we love being apart of the Journey Church. God is doing BIG BIG BIG things with this church ... and by church I don't mean the building ... but with His PEOPLE. Like seriously crazy, insane, unbelievable things are happening at our church and in the community because of the things that He is doing. I love that our church steps out into the community to be the hands and feet of Jesus. Today we gave away 1,500 Thanksgiving dinners to people in need. It was so awesome. I know that peoples lives were touched by the love of Jesus today. As I helped one woman bring her food out to her car she started shouting "Hallelujah, praise Jesus! This is going to be the best Thanksgiving!" She was beaming with excitement. She touched my heart today ... and I'm so glad that I got to be there to help her.

It felt good to get out of the house. It felt good to help someone else in need. It felt good not to sit and dwell on what we don't have right now, but instead be the hands and feet to help someone else.

The only part of the morning that I got choked up was when a grandma came walking by with her two month old granddaughter. She was beaming with pride. Showing her off and saying how beautiful she was.

Sob.

I wish I could give that to my mom.

I had to pass off my turkey for a moment so I could collect myself. I grabbed a smile from who knows where and went back to my turkey post. I'm glad I chose to get out of bed this morning. I'm glad I chose to serve.

We came back home and I pretty much crashed for the rest of the afternoon. Alya had to go off to get a car part to fix our car and put a trailer hitch on for our trip to Louisiana in a few days. So I took the time to just sleep. I've been exhausted the past few days ... mostly emotionally I think ... and I just needed to rest.

I woke up around 4:30 when Alya got back home and we decided to go to a tree lighting ceremony at a local shopping center. They were having a few bands play too and then the tree lighting was later on at night. The music was good ... it was a beautiful night outside. It was a big family event. sigh ... momma's dancing the streets with their babies. Kids running around with their glow lights. Fireworks went off after the tree was lit ... little faces in awe of the pretty colors and loud booms.

Sob.

One day we will get to fit into these family events.

Then ... we went to a few stores to return some seasonal baby items that we had bought and probably won't be able to use later on.

Her homecoming outfit.

Her Christmas dress.

Her first Christmas ornament that I bought early because I wanted to be able to buy the 'perfect' one before all the good ones were gone.

Sob.

It's so much more fun buying baby stuff than having to return it.

That part sucked.

It's funny ... we decided to go the private adoption agency route instead of foster to adopt because it was supposed to be safer.

We weren't supposed to get our hearts hurt as easy.

It wasn't supposed to turn out like this.

Ha.

I guess we have learned that nothing is the 'safe' way to do things in the world of adoption. There are always risks. There are always things that could go wrong. There are always five hundred million hoops to jump through.

But guess what?

I'm a fighter.

And you can better believe that I'm not giving up with out a fight.

I have a choice. And I am choosing to trust. I am choosing to love. And I am choosing to hope.