When Love Takes You In

While on the road to adopt I've found that it's really easy to focus all of your attention on yourself. It's easy to write blogs about how you are currently feeling ... it's easy to write about your frustrations, your struggles, your broken heart. It's also easy to write about the celebrations, whether big or small, that you might experience throughout your adoption journey.

I have found that it's really easy to focus on the child that you are adopting ... whether you know what their sweet little face looks like or if you only know them in your heart. It's easy to dream about the day they will finally be placed in your arms. It's easy to dream about the day where you can finally take a deep breath and know that all the waiting is over.

I know it's easy because that's what my heart has focused on for almost a year.

But I've also noticed that not many people (myself included) ever really blog about the birth mother that God chose for our sweet little miracles.

My heart was BROKEN today.

Like for real ....

Our church always makes a time where you can go up to the alter to place your tithe in a basket. It's totally optional ... but I really like this time because it gives me just a moment to kneel up at the front and just have some one on one time with my Father. It's allows me some time to thank him for the blessings that he has given us. Usually Alya and I go up together to pray ... but today Alya had to work in the sound booth so it was just me and God today.

He BROOOOOOOKE me today.

That's really the only way that I can describe it. The snot, sobbing, can't breathe kind of brokenness. Friends, my heart is hurting for our birth mother. My heart is hurting because our Father's heart is hurting for her. His heart is hurting for the traumatic experiences that she has had to endure. His heart is hurting because of the ugliness of the world that she has had to walk through. His heart is hurting because his beloved daughter is hurting. I just kept thinking about how blessed Alya and I have been to be able to walk down this road of adoption completely surrounded and supported every step of the way. We have been loved on, encouraged, supported, carried through every single step this journey has taken us on. Not one time were we left alone. And I am so so very thankful for the family that my Father has given to walk this journey with us. When I went up front today I just felt an overwhelming sense to pray for our b-momma. I don't really want to disclose some of the details that we know about this particular situation ... just out of respect for her ... but a very horrible thing was done to her. I feel so honored to have this courageous woman be the birth mother of our little Amiah. She has loved Amiah so much that instead of doing what a lot of mothers would have done in her situation she chose to give her life. I believe with all of my heart that Amiah will grow up to be a strong woman. I know that she will grow up to have a heart to love people like no one else can. I know that God is going to use Amiah in crazy amazing ways because her b-momma chose life for her.

When I think about all the people that have walked through this journey with us my one prayer is that our b-mamma too can experience the crazy love and support from a body of believers.

I pray that she can feel encouraged.

I pray that God would HEAL her wounds.

I pray that God would USE her courage and crazy love she has for this little soul she is carrying in BIG BIG ways.

I pray that God would restore the brokenness in her life.

I pray that God would comfort her and guide her every step.

I pray that she would never for one second feel alone.

We had this crazy powerful service this morning. It was orphan Sunday and our church did a special presentation that involved some of the adopted kids/families that attend the Journey. Man ... seriously speechless. I'm trying to upload a video of it but am not having any luck ... hopefully I can get it up soon.

To say that it has been an emotional day would be an understatement. To say that God moved in crazy amazing ways wouldn't even begin to touch what He is about to do. I can't wait to be apart of it. We were blessed with $594 after the second service today. :0) We're getting there friends!

Praying for my sweet little love tonight ... and praying for the woman that chose to give her life. I thank God for both of them.