Refresh

I have probably hit the refresh button on my email inbox about a million times today ...

waiting ....

waiting ....

waiting ...

for some kind of news as to what in the world is going on.

Yesterday after I got the email from our agency saying that the b-mom didn't show up for her meeting I closed my eyes and prayed "not again God ... please not again"

It makes me so sad that the experiences we have had over the last 2 years have made my head instantly think that my heart is about to get crushed again. I really don't want to think about the negative possibilities in this situation .... and to be honest I was fully embracing the fact that I would finally be bringing our little girl home soon.

I had a brief moment of despair. Okay more like the rest of the night and most of the morning today feeling like my world was being turned upside down again.

"Not again God, please not again."

That's what my heart was crying ...

I did get a small update from our agency. This is what it said:

***********************************************************************************
Lindsay,

I received brief contact from "J" letting me know she is doing okay still and will try to call me when she gets near a phone she can call from. I will try to get her to come in today, but if she can not, it will be some time next week as we are closed tomorrow for Veteran’s Day and are already closed on Fridays. She knows my cell phone number though and how to get a hold of me after work hours and weekends. I will continued to keep you posted. Please hang in there as I know the waiting part is always the most difficult!

***********************************************************************************

I guess I feel a little better? I mean it's not much of an update ... I don't really have details. But at least she has made contact with her ... and I am just going to go forward staying positive and believing that this is going to work out.

I don't want to be an emotional basket case ... and if I allow myself to think about all the "what-if's" I will most likely need to be institutionalized. lol

This part of the waiting game is by far the hardest. The part where you are so close ... we can finally see the finish line ... but yet so far away.

Praying for our sweet little Amiah ... that she is growing strong and is healthy. Praying she hangs in there for a little bit longer so that she can develop fully.

Praying for our b-mom ... that she can get the minutes she needs to have a working phone. That she is also safe and healthy. That God continues to give her peace about her decision.

sigh ...

and if you think about it pray for strength and peace for me. :0)

Romans 5:5 - And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.