A lot of people I know have really gotten into the shows "16 And Pregnant" and "Teen Mom" ... I have to say that I really have never become a fan mostly because I just couldn't really trust my heart to watch any of the shows. It's hard being a 27 year old woman who has always desperately wanted to have her own children watch a super young girl be able to experience the amazing gift of pregnancy. Although I have accepted that we may never have children of our own ... a piece of my heart will always desire that experience. So because a piece of my heart will always belong to that dream, seeing young girls live out my dream will always be a little bit hard. I had my first experience watching "16 And Pregnant" last year when one of my friends told me to watch a particular episode online. It was an episode with one particular couple named Catelynn & Tyler who realized that they weren't ready to parent and decided to give their baby up for adoption. I remember Alya and I laying in bed watching the episode from my computer screen. I was literally bawling like a baby ... their situation was just so close to what our reality is right now just coming from the other side of the spectrum. So fast forward a year ... now they are on a new show called "Teen Mom" and I just so happened to catch another episode this afternoon where they were having their one year visit with the adoptive parents and their baby girl. OMG! Here I go bawling my eyes out again .... I didn't really write this post to promote this TV show ... I'm writing this post because while I was watching that episode today I really started thinking about our babies birth mother. Catelynn and Tyler had a really great and open relationship with the adoptive parents of their little girl. I really admire how mature they have been throughout all the episodes that I have watched. I admire how much love they had for their little girl. Most of all I admire their courage.
I just can't stop thinking about our babies birth mother. Wondering what type of relationship we will have with her. Everyone has so many different stories with the type of relationship they have with the birth mothers of their adopted babies.... These are the questions that float through my mind on a day to day basis.
Will she ever know how much she will change our lives?
Will we ever be able to share how thankful we are?
Will she regret her decision?
Will my joy be her pain?
Will I be able to hug her?
Will I be able to cry tears of joy and loss with her?
How will I ever be able to thank her enough?
Will she feel loved?
Will she feel peace?
Will we be able to share this journey together or apart?
Will I even get to meet her?
How will I EVER be able to share how thankful I am for her gift to me?
I would have to say that so far the hardest part of this whole adoption process *besides all the waiting* was the letter I had to write to our birth mother. The letter I had to write to a woman carrying our child that I had not yet even met. Sometimes there just aren't any words to express what's going on in your heart. I pray that she finds peace in her decision. I will be forever grateful for her unselfishness. I can't even imagine what her heart is going through right now. I am so thankful for this woman I have never met. I really pray that we will be able to meet each other soon. I pray that God gives us the opportunity as mothers of a sweet little miracle to share our hearts with each other.
I totally understand this. I think about K's other mother all the time. I wonder what she is doing, how she is doing. I want her to know how much her baby has grown and how much she is a part of our family after a year. I mourned for her as I accepted her gift to us. I really, really get this. Write her everything you feel. Every single bit, every bit! She will know what you are saying, I think. I also sometimes wonder if K has a sibling. It's a fine balance of grace and love and wonder and sorrow.....
ReplyDeleteGirl I am literally bawling at my desk at work. This was the sweetest thing I have ever read! You are such a strong woman and I admire you in so many ways. I know God has the perfect little baby out there for you, and you and Ayla are going to be blessed more than you ever thought possible. You have been so faithful and you keep trusting in His plan. Your story is so beautiful to me. We started trying for a baby of our own and were blessed with a positive test a year later. That was the longest year of my life. I know it's nothing in comparison to what you've been through, but just know that it makes me admire you that much more. I can't wait for yall to finally bring Amiah home and show her God's love. She will be one blessed little lady. :)
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